


The Queens Secret

by ParrillaMySwanQueen



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Depression, F/F, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sexual Assault, Triggers, swanqueen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 00:43:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10059788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParrillaMySwanQueen/pseuds/ParrillaMySwanQueen
Summary: Set around Season 1 / Season 2. Emma and Regina aren't together. / Okay so after Emma gets a concerning phone call from the mayor she rushed over to the mansion to find Regina blacked out on the bed laying in a pool of her own blood. *Trigger Warning* Self Harm and Severe depression themes.





	1. What dreams are about

**Author's Note:**

> So I wanted to do this for a while, I really hope you like it, I myself have struggled with self harm, 2 years clean in June! But I think even in fanfics it's really important to spread awarness for mental health in anyway you can.
> 
> As always please leave reviews and if you want to send prompts send them to me on tumblr at Parrilla-My-SwanQueen
> 
> I hope you like it!

Regina lay in her underwear staring up at the ceiling. It was 3am, the same time she wakes up every night after having one of her night terrors. Leopold. It's always Leopold, the way he always smiled at her, it made her feel sick, it took the breath right out of her. The night of their wedding, it was the way he ripped off her clothes, and stripped her naked, the way he held her down so tight she couldn't move of breathe. All she heard was her heart beating, she tried screaming, but no one would hear or if they did they wouldn't help her, they wouldn't disobey their king.

The next thing Regina knew the king was forcing himself inside her whilst she lay there as still as possible, fearing to move, crying and trying to scream out in pain as he chocked her. She couldn't escape it. Him she couldn't escape him. Every single night, but this time the dream became so intense that she fell out of the bed knocking over the lamp on her table.

"Fuck." Regina whispered as she realized what had happened.

She picked herself up from the floor, and took herself back into bed looking at the clock.

3am. again. Regina pulled the covers over her as she lay stiffly in the bed looking at the ceiling. She tried to ignore that nagging feeling. _No I won't do it again._ That's what she kept trying to tell herself, she wouldn't. What if Henry finds out or worse Emma. His birth mother what if she finds out. No, I can't take the chance. Regina tried for a whole hour trying to convince herself and talk herself out of doing it, but the pain and the anguish from the flashbacks and night terrors became too much to bare.

Regina sat up abruptly, throwing of the covers and reaching to her night stand where her phone sat. The brunette, hesitated a moment before grabbing her mobile, she held it over the bed and took of the phone case, two small pieces of metal landed softly on the bed. Regina set the phone and the case back down on the night stand.

The brunette sat crossed legged on her bed for a moment looking at the two pieces of metal sitting in front of her. she picked up one holding out her arm, and placing the blade on her wrist, just before she was about to press down she stopped, taking the blade away from her skin.

_You idiot Regina. You're Mayor, if you do it there, someone might see._

Regina looks from her stomach to the top of her thighs. The brunette smiled sadly before thinking, _there can do it there._

The mayor looked to her stomach, she needed to feel this, feel something. She forgot the pain Leopold caused her, the pain her mother cause her. She forgot about everything as she pushed the metal blade down on her skin, at first she dragged it across her bare skin slowly, but with each cut they got quicker and deeper. She cut her stomach four times, and on each thigh, she did three deep cuts. Blood started to fall out each cut, flowing slowly down her stomach and legs. Regina put her head back on the pillow, still holding the blade in her hand.

 _Finally I can feel something. I can feel real pain. pain I deserve._ Regina whispered to herself as everything began to spin, everything was blurry.

"Shit." Regina whispered as she realized what was happening.

The blood was dripping of the side of the Mayors bed.

"Oh god." Regina couldn't think or feel anything, all she knew was that any moment now she was going to go to sleep and she didn't know if she'd wake up. Regina reached across and in a slow movement she took her phone into her hand. It was impossible to do it quickly, and she managed to unlock her phone. The brunette didn't call Henry or Katherine, No she rang the person, that most people of storybrooke would least expect, in fact Regina didn't expect herself to do this either however when she thought about Henry and the thought of leaving him...she knew, she just knew she had to call for help or maybe it was the fact that Regina trusted Emma more than anyone else. She had no idea why but she just did. Regina knew she could trust the sheriff.

The brunette put on the voice dial before whispering into the phone "Call...Em...Swan..." the phone rang not for thirty seconds before the sleepy voice at the other end answered

"Madam Mayor, What can I do you for at this delightful hour?" You could hear the aggravation in the blondes voice.

"Em...ma..." Regina replied, she was becoming more weak by the moment

"Madam Mayor? are you okay?" Emma knew something wasn't right.

"I did something bad..." Regina trailed of as she looked over towards the bathroom thinking she could get there, but it was too late everything went black and the phone and blade fell from Regina's hand landing hard on the floor as the blood continued to drip down the side of the bed.

"Regina?" Emma asked not caring if the high and almighty madam mayor became annoyed at her calling her Regina.

Emma was really quite concerned when there was no response from Regina, her gut told her something was wrong and when the phone line went dead, she knew she was right.

The blonde jumped out of bed, grabbing a pair of jeans, pulling them up and she pulled a white tank top over her head as quickly as she could, Emma slid on her boots and Red leather Jacket, running into the kitchen and snatching up her keys from the counter. Emma rushed out the house and sped away in the bug to the mayors mansion.

The door was already open as she arrived presumably Regina had opened it, even so she pulled out her gun to be on the safe side.

"Regina? Regina?" The sheriff bellowed through the mansion. No answer came. As Emma reached the mayor's room, she opened the door slowly, the door made a horrible squeaking sound

"Regina?" Emma asked until her eyes met the fallen phone and blade, she walked in and the sight got worse, the blood was dripping hard of the side of the bed.

The blonde looked up with fear in her eyes seeing Regina laying there on the bed in nothing but her bra and underwear, she was limp, out cold, with her stomach and the top of her thighs showing deep self inflicted cuts and the mayor was completely covered in blood.

"Oh god. Regina! What did you do!" Emma screeched in panic as she placed her gun back in its holder on her hip and ran to the still brunette on the bed.

"Regina wake up! Wake up!" Emma held Regina's shoulders and started shaking her.

There was no denying that Emma was in love with the mayor and that the mayor was just as in love with Emma, everyone saw it, except the two that it mattered to the most, which is why when Emma saw Regina in a pool of her own blood she felt like all the air had escaped her lungs, she thought she was going to lose the person she loved the most, she loved her even more than Henry, Emma didn't realize quite how much until she saw how broken the beautiful Mayor was. Always seeming so strong putting up a front...just like her.


	2. Is this love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Emma found Regina on the bed bleeding out, she helps Regina. She cleans the mayor up making sure she's okay. She cares for her, which is so unexpected from both sides, but more for Regina, she doesn't think she deserves love but Emma would disagree with that statement entirely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Thank you so much for the lovely reviews on the first chapter it meant a lot and so here we have a second chapter and I will work on the third one tomorrow! Have prompts? send them to me at parrilla-my-swanqueen.tumblr.com

Emma held Regina's head between her hands

"Regina wake up! come on! Don't you dare die on me!" Emma screamed

The blonde sheriff then scooped up the Mayor into her arms, holding her under her back and knees, carrying her into the bathroom and closing the bathroom door behind her.

Emma sat Regina up against the door, and Emma went to the sink and took a flannel running it under the cold tap and squeezing the water out, she then kneeled next to the fragile brunette and dabbed the flannel on her cuts which woke Regina up, although she wasn't quite with it.

Regina suddenly felt something cold on her stomach. It hurt, it stung. Was she in a dream, or another flashback. she couldn't quite work out what it was until she opened one eye and saw the blonde curls of the sheriff sitting next to her.

 _Shit. did I call her?_  Regina questioned in a slight panic before remembering she did in fact phone her

"Emma?" Regina croaked, the blonde looked up to see the mayor was awake, only just but she was awake

"Thank god." Emma smiled as she moved the cold flannel down to Regina's thighs

"Em...Emma... what are you doing?" Regina frowned

"Helping." Emma stated as she carried on.

"It hurts." The brunette whimpered clutching onto Emma's shoulder, half expecting her to say that it was her own fault. She deserved it, after all she did it to herself.

"It's okay Regina, It will be over in a moment, but I need to make sure that these don't get infected and then I'm going to stitch you up okay?"

Regina looked down at the blonde _What was that? care. love. No it can't be, oh but it was._

"It's okay Regina. You're going to be okay I promise." Emma stood up and washed out the flannel putting it in the sink, before reaching into the cupboard and taking out the first aid kit.

Before Emma could even sit down Regina let out a worried "Please don't tell anyone."

The blonde looked at the fear in her eyes and kneeled down beside her sitting the first aid kit beside her,

"Oh Regina. You can trust me, I am not going to tell a soul I promise." Emma smiled lifting Regina's face so she was looking at her.

Regina's eyes began to well up with tears, and as they fell Emma smiled sadly "Look at me, you will be okay, I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you... Now let's get you stitched up."

Before Emma started the stitches she made sure to sterilize everything thoroughly , and numbed the area where she was about to stick the needle to start the stitches.

"Hold still Regina." But as Emma looped the first stitch Regina blacked out again.

 _Emma you can do this, gently does it, t_ he blonde whispered to herself with each stitch, all in all it took a good thirty minutes and she tied of the last stitch. Emma then took out some butterfly band aids, putting them over the brunettes wounds, as she did the last one she looked up at the passed out, fragile, mayor and kissed her thigh where she had just placed the last band aid.

Emma put everything back in the first aid box and put the kit back where she found it, the blonde kneeled beside Regina who still hadn't come back round.

"Regina?" Emma asked putting her fingers through her hair

"Regina?" there was nothing, so Emma moved Regina on to the toilet seat with the lid down, sitting her there and Emma walked out into Regina's bedroom removing all her bedding and putting it in the corner of the room. luckily the blood hadn't seeped through to the mattress just yet. She took out some clean bedding and made Regina's bed, and moved the covers back slightly so she would be able to put Regina into bed without worrying about taking of the covers beforehand.

Emma heard a scared croak coming from the bathroom

"Emma!?" Regina panicked she almost thought it was a dream that the blonde had helped her.

_A fairy tale perhaps?_

Well that was until Emma came running back through holding clean underwear and a clean bra

"It's okay Regina, I'm right here."

"I...I...I thought you left me." The brunette trembled with a real fear in her voice.

"I'm not leaving you. Now can you take your underwear and bra of so you can put clean ones on."

"I am not stripping in front of you."

"Regina now is not the time for modesty. Both your bra and underwear are soaked in your blood, I have just changed your bedding. Now Strip. I won't ask you twice" Emma replied firmly.

Regina let the words ring in her ears _I have just changed your bedding._ Regina couldn't fathom it.

_Maybe she does care about me after all... but No, I'm the Evil Queen No one could ever love me._

Regina looked up at the blonde sadly and trying not to wince in pain

"I can't."

"You can't or you won't?" Emma asked seriously

"I. can't." Regina gave Emma a death glare

"It hurts to move."

"Okay well you're going to have to get over yourself and let me help you."

Regina just nodded as Emma pulled of Regina's underwear putting them behind her and helping the mayor into some clean ones, she then did the same thing with her bra.

"Not so bad now was it?"

Regina stayed silent and Emma picked up the mayor's blood stained underwear and bra throwing them Into the dirty wash bin in the corner of the bathroom and turning back to the Mayor who was quite obviously in pain but putting on a brave face, Emma gave her a gentle smile as she placed a comforting hand on her knee.

"Now, Regina you're going to put your arms around my neck so I can carry to the bedroom. Don't argue about it just do it please" Emma said with a smile

"I am perfectly capable of walking Miss. Swan."

"Well, Madam mayor I'd have to disagree, you could of died today."

Regina nodded in ashamed silence as she wrapped her arms around Emma's neck holding on for dear life, refusing to let go. She felt safe. In the arms of the sheriff she felt safe. Emma then scooped her up into her arms carrying her through to the bedroom.

Emma lay the mayor down on her bed, which now had fresh sheets. Once Regina was a settled as she could be, Emma pulled the covers over her, tucking her in just like she does with their son. Emma moved her hand towards Regina's face which made her flinch

"It's alright, I'm not going to hurt you Regina. trust me." Emma smiled, she sees the okay in the mayors chocolate brown eyes, with that she moves her hand on to the mayors face and tucked Regina's hair behind her ear. Regina didn't understand what was happening, oh but she did she knew exactly what was happening, she knew how she felt and how Emma felt but neither where brave enough to say anything. Presides what if she was wrong. What if Emma didn't love her like she loved the blonde, Regina didn't want to take the risk, didn't want to feel the heart break she once felt ever again.

Then she thought _But Emma wouldn't be caring for me like this, or helping me get changed, or soothing me if she didn't care, even if it's just a little bit. I should say something. No I can't._

So Regina kept her mouth shut refusing to spill her feelings to the blonde who was smiling at Regina.

"I'm going to light a candle it will help you relax, and maybe help you to sleep." Emma told her as she walked over to the chest of drawers just to the left side of the bedroom door.

"The one of the left." Regina whispered and Emma opened it taking out a candle that was in its glass container.

"Vanilla Apple. looks nice." Emma smiled closing the drawer and putting the candle on the night stand next to Regina

"Matches?"

"The drawer on the right." Emma walked back and took out the matches, and came back over to Regina, kneeling in front the candle lighting it and blowing out the match throwing it in the bin next to the night stand.

"Let that burn, Regina. It will help I promise, it will take away all your bad thoughts and dreams." Regina nodded closing her eyes, she could feel Emma smiling down at her as she ran her fingers through her hair. However when Emma stopped Regina felt uncomfortable and she heard her bedroom door squeak, she suddenly realized Emma was leaving . She didn't want her to leave, she's been so kind to her, cared for her when she could of left her to die. She didn't.

Regina couldn't understand why the curly haired blonde sheriff was being so nice to her after all Regina had tried to poison her, and kill her multiple times. Why would she show any kind of kindness and love towards her? Emma opened the door of Regina's bedroom, she was only going to go downstairs and sleep on the couch, she didn't trust Regina to leave her on her own.

Emma then heard Regina's soft trembling voice

"Wait... Emma?" Regina looked over making Emma stop and turn around walking back to Regina

"What is it?" Regina pulled the covers tighter over her shoulders

"Can you...umm... well if it's uhh...if-" Regina didn't need to finished her sentence for Emma to know what she needed as she smiled down at the brunette

"Want me to stay in here with you?" The mayor just nodded with a faint smile.

"Okay. close your eyes and I'll get in next to you." Emma walked round the other side of the bed, putting her gun on the night stand, on her side, she dropped her pants and took of her red leather jacket throwing it over the chair in the corner, but keeping on her tank top. She looked at the sleepy brunette with complete and pure happiness.

"I love her." Emma whispered not meaning to say it aloud, her heart pounded until she realized Regina didn't reply, she thought maybe she was lucky or unlucky and Regina just didn't hear her. Emma slid in beside Regina pulling the covers over them both and wrapping her arms around Regina's body gently.

Regina felt Emma's warm hands touch her cold stomach, she felt happy, and again she asked herself _Why is Henry's birth mother making me happy? Why is her touch making my body tingle head to toe? Just why._

The mayor then smiled, remembering what Emma had just whispered before getting into bed. _She loves me_. The blonde loves her. Regina just let her eyes close, as they became heavy and feeling Emma's body pressed up against hers, she knew she was safe and she knew nothing bad would happen to her, she let Emma hold her and to be perfectly honest she didn't want her to let go. Ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Again Thank you so much for the lovely reviews on the first chapter it really really does mean so much to me, I wasn't expecting so many lovely comment so again don't forget to review and I will update again tomorrow!


	3. The truth is what Miss. Swan?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Regina's bad night, Emma decides to stay the weekend not trusting to leave Regina on her own... Emma checks Regina's stitches before helping her into the bath, it's this moment where Regina is in pain Emma decide's to help the mayor take her mind of the pain by talking about something different. One thing leads to another and something Regina has waited for a year to happen. Well it happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say a massive Thank you for the reviews this has been getting, I'm sorry to those who felt the last chapter was a bit complicated. I've tried my best to make up for it with this one! I know it's a long chapter but there's lots of fluff! Don't forget to Review!

Regina woke up still feeling the touch of Emma's hands on her stomach, it felt like a dream. Maybe it was, maybe she was still dreaming, that's what it felt like until she heard Emma's voice speaking her name. Regina didn't answer, she pretended to still be asleep just for a bit longer, she knew what the next thing would be.

The Questions. The 'she's crazy' the 'she's an unfit parent' and much more. Regina felt safe but it didn't mean she wasn't any less scared of the questions that were about to come flying her way.

Emma glanced over at the clock on the night stand 9am on a Saturday, she's usually being woken up by Henry at 7am. Luckily David was doing the weekend shift at the sheriff station. Emma sat up reaching over the side of the bed and attaining her pants in her hand, taking her phone out her pocket, dropping her pants back on the floor.

Emma dialed a number into the phone and put the phone to her ear.

A delicate voice answered the phone "Hello?"

"Hi Mary-Margret it's Emma."

"Oh Hi Emma. Are you coming back tonight?"

"Umm no, I don't think so, but could you do me a favor could you drop of a change of clothes for me at the mayors house oh and bring breakfast. You know I can't cook and could you also look after Henry for the weekend. I just have some things to sort out."

"Right Things." Mary-Margret knew Emma was with Regina, she thought maybe they've finally told each other, she didn't really care as long as they stopped making everyone else miserable just because they couldn't admit their damn feelings..

"Well, You obviously don't want to tell me what's really going on, but yes I can take care of Henry, I'll be round in ten minutes." Emma hung up the phone smiling, before turning back to look at Regina and stroking her hair out her face

"Hey sleepy head."

Regina looked up and the blonde hovering above her head.

So it wasn't a dream. Regina was happy it wasn't

"Hey." Regina replied.

"I'd like to check your wounds after breakfast if that's okay?" Regina nodded before closing her eyes again.

"I'll come wake you up in 20 minutes." Emma smiled and dragged her own ass out of bed, had a quick shower and leaned against the bathroom door wearing nothing but her underwear and a white tank top looking over at Regina sleeping, thinking how adorable the mayor looked in this state, when suddenly the door bell rang.

Emma ran flew down the stairs and opened the door to see Mary Margret standing there with breakfast, a change of clothes and Henry.

"He Momma!" Henry threw himself at Emma

"Uhh Hey...hey Kid? What are you doing here?" Emma frowned hugging Henry and looking at her mother

"He needed to grab some clothes. Henry go and grab the clothes you need." Henry nodded at his grandmother before running up to his room, back pack in hand.

"Seriously!"Emma whispered in frustration

"What? he needed clothes." Mary-Margret replied innocently

"Couldn't you have warned me or something? Regina is upstairs sleeping and I don't want anything or anyone disturbing her." Mary-Margret's face just lit up

"Did you do it?" Emma chuckled slightly at the insinuation

"With the mayor? No. and I won't tell you what happened so stop asking because I know what you're like with secrets." The pale woman just scowled at her daughter before passing her the box of food and the small bag with a change of clothes.

"I put three different outfits in there. just in case." Emma just set the bag down on the couch before walking through to the kitchen and taking the food out the box, but leaving it in the wrappers.

"Thanks for doing this."

"No worries." Mary-Margret smiled slightly, and they both walked out of the kitchen.

Emma then yelled up the stairs "HENRY! HURRY UP! TIME TO GO KID!" and like a flash of light Henry bolted down the stairs running right into Emma, almost pushing them both to the ground, luckily Emma had good balance and she caught Henry before they both went flying.

"Sorry." Henry smiled sheepishly

"See you Monday Momma." Emma smiled as she scuffed up his hair and watched him leave with Mary-Margret hugging them both before they left.

"Love you guys have a good weekend."

"We will!" Henry shouted in return.

Emma took the food upstairs sitting it next to Regina, Emma sat herself on the edge of the bed next to the mayors as she watched her sleep

"Regina? Regina? Can you wake up for me?" Emma asked as she held Regina's face in the palm of her hand.

"I'm awake." Regina stated in her sleepiness but still sounding like the Madam Mayor Emma had met when Henry had bought her to storybrooke.

"Can you sit up for me so I can check those stitches?" Now Regina was more with it than she was last night.

She sat up and took the covers off and looked over to the night stand beside her seeing the food

"Is that for me?" Regina questioned.

Emma looked at Regina and smiled "Yes. I know how you often forget to eat."

Regina took the food, unwrapping it as she shifted slightly to the edge of the bed, so that from her knees down, they were dangling of the side. Emma kneeled in front of the beautiful brunette as she ate, and checked her handy work from last night.

As Emma finished checking the wounds she looked up at Regina who had finished her breakfast, placing the wrapper on the night stand beside her. The blonde saw Regina frowning half in pain, half something else. Emma stood up and sat beside Regina, The mayor was still in nothing but her underwear and bra.

Emma looked into Regina's eyes as she scraped the hair out of her face, trying to see what she wanted to ask, but she needn't look anymore for Regina asked the question that was on her mind.

"Emma? Why are you being so nice to me? I've done nothing but torture you."

Emma smiled at the woman sitting beside her. Maybe Regina didn't feel the same, maybe she did, but was that a risk she could take? Maybe a half truth would be better than no truth at all. It was decided.

"Because I care about you Regina." Emma didn't think she would say it but she did the words came out before she could stop herself, however she did stop herself from spilling everything else she felt about Regina. The way she loves it when Regina looks at their son, the way she smiles, the way she walks, the way she talks, the way she fights for those she loves no matter the cost. Even the evil side. she loved that too.

"You scared the hell out of me Regina. I need you to know I care...I really do care about you."

Regina looked down as she bit her lip smiling. Which made the blondes body go into over drive, it made Emma's body tingle and her tummy fill with butterflies.

"Look at me." Emma lifted Regina's head before asking her "Why?"

And there it was. The questions. Regina's smile went away in an instant

"Because...because it's my business." Regina replied in anger.

Emma realized maybe it was too soon to press her, but she would get it out of her one way or another.

Regina looked back up at the blonde realising what she had just told her

"Wait - You care about me?" Regina questioned, not sure if she heard right.

Emma just laughed gently as she cupped Regina's face "Yes and not just as Henry's mother who has done an incredible job raising our son, but as the beautiful woman who is starting to change, but still won't ask for help even when she so desperately needs it." Emma smiled sadly as she took her hand away and stood up walking into the bathroom.

She arrived the door way but the stopped to turn round and to look over at Regina, leaning against the door frame.

"I do not need help Miss. Swan" Emma scoffed at that statement

"Regina I think we're well past the 'Miss. Swan's' don't you?"

"Fine. Em-ma. I do not need help."

"Okay." Emma laughed.

Emma turned her back on Regina as she walked into the bathroom and started to run her a bath.

"What are you doing Emma?" Regina asked as she heard the bath water turn on.

"What's it sound like? I'm running a bath."

"For who?" Emma sighed hearing the slight worry in Regina's voice and she walked out to her and kneeled down in front of the mayor, placing one hand on her knee.

"For you Regina, we need to soak the wounds, and it will do you good to relax."

Before Regina even knew what she was saying the words just came right out

"Will you help me? Will you stay with me?" Regina asked in a slight panic that Emma would leave just like everyone else has.

Emma smiled "Of course. I'm not leaving, I'm staying all weekend or until you want me to leave okay?" Regina nodded.

Emma went to check on the now full bath, she turned off the taps before going back to Regina.

"Do you want to put your arm around me so I can help you walk to the bath?"

Regina nodded and she put her arm around Emma's neck, she winced as the blonde helped her stand up. The blonde held Regina's hand to keep her balanced and then she put her other arm around Regina's waist and walked her to the bathroom, sitting her on the edge of the bath.

"You okay? Emma asked as she kneeled in front of Regina again and pulled down The mayor's underwear, and took of her bra.

"I'm fine." Regina lied as Emma stood up and helped Regina into the bath.

"There we are, lay down Regina. I'm staying right here I promise."

Emma grabbed the chair from the corner of the bathroom and sat it right next to the bath so she could keep an eye on Regina. She didn't care that the mayor of storybrooke was naked and laying in the bath, and the mayor didn't seem to care the sheriff was seeing her naked body. She was in too much pain to care. Emma could quite clearly see that Regina was hurting, the water was making her wounds sting badly. Emma reached out her hand for Regina to take, which Regina grabbed as if her life depended on it.

"Emma I need to get out."

"Regina you need to stay in and just let the water soak your wounds, it's important." Regina squeezed Emma's hand.

"Regina...Regina...too much squeezing." Emma gasped as Regina stopped.

"Sorry."

"It's okay..." Emma paused for a moment and then asked Regina something that would maybe help them both, not that she realized it when she asked the brunette

"Hey, why don't we talk about something to take your mind of the pain?" Regina nodded as she felt the stinging slowly lessen.

"What do you want to talk about?" Regina panted letting the pain dye down.

"Us. I want to talk about us."

Whilst Regina soaked in the tub and heard Emma say she wanted to talk about them, Regina had a sudden rush of adrenaline, but still she stayed composed, or as composed as she could be in a bath tub naked, with the sheriff sitting right beside her.

"Okay...What about us?" Regina asked sort of hoping that she would say it and at the same time hoping she wouldn't say it. How could she let someone love her when all she does is hurt herself, and hurt them. Regina didn't want to burden someone else with her mess of a life.

"Oh come on Regina. Did you forget about my superpower?"

"That's to tell if someone's lying not to-"

"Tell if someone has feelings for me?" Emma cut in, making Regina go the color of a tomato and in the fashion of the mayor she sat up glaring at Emma

"You're insane."

"Am I?" Emma asked

"Regina it's okay if you do because the truth is...the truth is..." Regina frowned still holding tight to Emma's hand.

"Miss. Swan? The truth is what?"

"Regina...How much blood did you lose? Do you really not see it?" Regina stared at the sheriff blankly all whilst feeling a rush of emotions inside her.

"See what Emma?"

"Oh my god Regina. Idiot much. I am so fucking in love with you."

**_Idiot much. I am so fucking in love with you._ **

Regina smiled at both Emma calling her an idiot and telling her she loved her, now it was Regina's turn. The mayor looked up at the blonde with the biggest smile you had ever seen spread across her face.

"Do you feel the same Regina or have I been reading the signals all wrong?" Emma asked not overly sure, even if Regina had a massive smile on her face, she still wasn't too sure. Regina started squeezing Emma's hand again as the pain started up on her thighs and stomach.

"Hey, hey Regina. It's okay just-"

Through Regina's slow breathing she smiled at Emma gently

"Kiss me." Regina stated

"What?" Emma asked in confusion.

"God damn it Miss. Swan. Just fucking kiss me! I've waited for this for a whole year, Kiss me now or so help-"

Emma shut the mayor up by doing as she asked, she didn't need to be told a third time, she leaned in, placing her lips against Regina's kissing her slowly and placing her spare hand on the side of Regina's face.

The kiss was slow, gentle but passionate all at the same time. The kiss must of lasted a good minute or so before Emma broke the kiss

"You've waited for that for a year?" Emma arched her eyebrow

"Shut up Emma." Regina smirked biting her lip, something she only did when she felt at peace or felt happy, and she was happy. Emma had just kissed her, they both admitted how they felt and everything felt right.

Emma couldn't help but smile, everything had just fallen into place, the reasons why there was always so much tension between the two, why she always became more angry than everyone else with the mayor. Why she felt tingles through her whole body whenever Regina came close to her, why she felt butterflies every time she saw her.

Everything finally made sense. Everything was right in the world.

Emma Swan was in love with the mayor - Regina Mills and she no longer needed to pretend that, that wasn't the truth. Emma hadn't felt like this about anyone before, she sat with Regina holding her hand, letting everything be still and quiet and perfect. The world right at this precise moment, even though Regina had hurt herself, this very moment it was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you so so much for reading and please please please don't forget to review! Love you all and see you in the next chapter!


	4. The Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina let's down her walls, and opens up to Emma about what's really going on. And she takes the step to trust Emma which is something she will be happy she did!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming on this journey with me! I know a lot have asked where I got the inspiration from, especially with the dark theme. I used to self harm myself, and I was also raped. So it's difficult but important to talk about these topics. anyway don't forget to review!

Emma managed to get Regina out the bath wrapping her in a towel and changing her into some comfy clothes. She even managed to make lunch. Grilled cheese it was the only thing she could make, she had sat Regina on the couch and threw a blanket over her whilst she made lunch, she poured a glass of water and made Regina drink it, Emma then came over pulling the blanket over her own legs and shared a plate of 2 grilled cheeses with Regina. Emma instantly started munching on hers making some very peculiar noises as she ate, which Regina was trying hard not to laugh at

"Do you always make this much noise when you eat dear?"

Emma looked at the brunette and moved her hand over her mouth as she continued eating "Sorry, grilled cheese is my favorite."

"I gathered."

Regina looked at her own piece of food poking and prodding at it, which Emma caught

"What? Don't like grilled cheese?"

"No I just I umm, I've never had one before." Regina replied holding the grilled cheese in her perfectly manicured hands.

Emma chuckled "Well you're not going to know if you like it Madam mayor, not until you try it. Go on take a bite."

Regina looked at the grilled cheese in her hand and did as Emma said "Mmm." Regina smiled with surprise, covering her mouth with her left hand "Not bad."

When they both finished their grilled cheeses, Emma took the plate back into the kitchen placing it on the side and then walking back and sitting on the couch.

Emma patted her lap "lay down."

Regina looked at Emma like she was crazy

"Regina come on. I won't bite. promise."

Regina still couldn't get her head round why anyone, especially the saviour would care for her. But hey ho, she did and was and they were together and that was the important thing. Regina lay her head on Emma's lap, and Emma pulled the blanket over her girlfriends body and she began to stroke the side of her face.

Regina knew what was coming next.

The Questions, Emma was making her comfortable so she could ask her all the questions that Regina was doing everything she could to avoid answering.

"Regina?"

"Yes?" Regina mumbled

"What's going on? Please talk to me." Regina stayed silent

"Regina please I'm worried about you... Gina..."

Regina didn't say anything. She couldn't.

"Well something is going on with you."

"What do you mean?" Regina replied pretending to be oblivious.

"What do I- What do I mean?"

Regina nodded

"Regina just last night I rushed over here, after your very worrying phone call. I had a right to be worried, as I found you on your bed bleeding out after you cut yourself multiple times."

At that Regina sat up "I can't."

Both Regina and Emma positioned themselves opposite each other on the couch, crossing their legs and so their knees were touching. Regina's tears started to fall and Emma lifted the brunette's head up

"Hey...hey...It's okay."

"What I tell you Em, it could mean you leaving me, it could scare you of. It might make you stop caring or loving me-" Regina cried.

"No look at me Regina, I am not leaving you. There is nothing that you can say or do that will make me run. I promise you that."

Regina stood up from the couch and started pacing the room "What if you hate me?"

Emma sat up frowning at Regina, who had her arms folded and her back was turned on Emma.

"Emma what if you hate me?" Regina asked again

"I won't."

"How do you know?" Regina asked trying to hold in her tears with everything she had

"Because my love, I know what you did as the Evil Queen, Hell you tried to poison me with your apples. I know you're changing but I also know what you're capable of and who you were, and maybe still are. but that doesn't stop me from being madly in love with you Regina." A smile crept over Regina's face before she was bought back to reality.

"What is it? what's going on with you?"

Regina stood frozen on the other side of the room with her back still turned on Emma.

"I presume you know who Leopold is?"

"Of course. He's the one you were forced in to a marriage with... right?"

"Right." Regina stated as she turned round facing the blonde and began crying.

Emma rushed over to Regina "What did he do to you?"

"I can't I can't."

"Regina, I told you nothing would scare me off. Nothing. Trust me, let me your walls down and please just let me in." Emma spoke gently, almost in a whisper.

"My thoughts have become pretty dark Em, especially because of what he did."

"What do you mean?" Once again Regina didn't say anything.

Regina fell into Emma's arms, crying uncontrollably "He raped me." she managed to get out through her cries and Emma's heart just dropped to the ground.

She rubbed circles on the brunette's back soothing her and holding her tight, refusing to let her go.

"I can barely sleep because every time I close my eyes I see him and I can feel him on top of me and holding me down, every night of the marriage to Leopold he did it to me. I screamed so loud Emma, so loud but no one ever helped. Why did no one help... Emma no one helped me!" Regina screamed as Emma held her, her own heart breaking for the woman she loved.

Emma took them both back over on to the couch pulling the blanket over them both, Emma lay on her side with Regina next to her.

Regina cried and cried and cried. "Regina, talk to me, don't bottle it up talk to me."

Regina choked on her sobs "Even during the day, the flash backs, I don't even know what sets them off I mean why do you think you found me huddled on the kitchen floor last week?"

"You like to hug floors?" Emma teased trying to lighten the mood but evidently failing "Em..."

"Okay I have an idea Regina,"

Emma sat herself up and moving Regina so the brunette's head was on her lap.

"You don't want to talk about it but unless you want me to drag you to therapy. You're Going to talk about it."

Regina suddenly felt the panic of seeing Archie

"No don't make me see him! please, and please I am begging you don't tell anyone what I did. promise me."

"I promise I am not telling a soul. Listen how about I ask you some questions and only rule is you have to tell the truth."

"That's fair." Regina replied with Emma stroking the side of her face

"Let's start with something I already know you're doing." Regina nodded knowing exactly what she meant.

"How long? How long have you been hurting yourself?"

"A while." Regina was vague with her answer

"Regina..."

"Okay fine, twelve years, three months and eight days."

Emma wasn't at all surprised that Regina knew the exact length of time, you see Emma had this friend when she was younger. Her name was Lily, she was her best friend and also her ex-girlfriend. She would do What Regina is doing, that's how Emma knows how to deal with this situation.

"Okay and is it just cutting?" Regina felt her anxiety rising, she wanted to stop talking about it but she also didn't want Emma to drag her to therapy and she knew she would if she stayed silent.

"No but..." Regina was trying to be proactive in her explanation

"But what?"

The very fragile looking mayor took a deep breath "But it is mostly cutting."

Emma smiled at Regina, she was trying and that was the important thing.

"Okay, babe, can you sit up for me?"

Regina nodded as she sat up and hugged her knees into her chest

"You mentioned about having some pretty dark thoughts?"

Regina placed her chin on top of her knees not wanting to admit it but she did anyway.

"Yes."

"How dark? Do you want to die?"

"Every day." The brunette whispered

"Regina? have you ever blacked out before from the cutting?"

"Yeah a few times." Regina looked at Emma before saying "You're going to leave me aren't you?" and the tears feel from the chocolate eyes of the mayor.

Emma kissed Regina's head and held her head in her hands

"Look at me, my love. I am never leaving you. I am going to do what I can to protect you. Talk to me... I saw the look in your eyes when I asked about your dark thoughts. Tell me..."

"How do you do that?"

"Intuition."

Regina sighed with a tremble as she answered "Fine...It's more than just dark thoughts, night terrors and flashback. I hate myself, I hate who, realistically my mother turned me into."

Emma stayed silent because for the first time Regina was talking of her own free will and laying out how she felt and everything she thought about down on the table.

"My heart feels heavy, I want to scream, and yell and shout and cry. How I feel Emma... every day is a nightmare, torture. It's like I'm screaming but no one can hear me just like it was with him for all those nights. Even now every time I have a flash back or night terror because of him I literally want to scratch or cut my skin of. I feel dirty. disgusting. pathetic. worthless. Why would anyone ever love me? Every single day, I think to myself. Today will be the day that I will go."

"Go?" Emma questioned before realizing what Regina meant.

"Emma... I am not safe to be left by myself, not with how I feel, because if you walk out that door you will come back to find me, not breathing."

"I'm not leaving." Emma stated with warmth in her voice.

Regina didn't dare look Emma in the eye, she just began crying.

"All I want is..."

"You can tell me, I won't leave I promise. You just have to trust me." the blonde soothed

"I do trust you. I want to die Emma. No one will ever forgive me for what I have done for all those years as the evil queen. Everyone hates me and to be perfectly honest, I don't blame them because I hate me too."

"Henry loves you. Regina, I love you." Regina chuckled

"No, Henry does not love me. He loves you but not me, to him I am still a villain. But you, I know you do love me. and if one person loves me, then that's enough."

Emma stood up folding her arms and frowning to Regina.

"Tell me something?"

"Anything." Regina replied honestly

"No Regina, I mean it you have to tell me the truth no matter how scared you become."

"I...I promise." Emma held her breath as she asked her vulnerable girlfriend

"Did you try to kill yourself last night?"

"WHAT?! N-" Regina started in a scream.

"For once in your life will you tell me the truth Regina. I care about you, and I won't run. I love you I just need to know" Regina looked away ashamed

"I didn't try to kill myself. I promise..." Regina paused as she looked at the care in Emma's eyes and she continued "however if I hadn't of blacked out I would have tried to kill myself."

Emma kneeled down in front of Regina pulling her into a hug

"I am so sorry. I just didn't realize how bad things were for you, but you do not need to do this alone anymore. You have me, and I will fight for you and us till the day I die. That's a promise."

Regina pulled out of the hug, she felt the love and warmth from Emma. She had literally just told the blonde how she wanted to die and she... she stayed, she didn't run.

"Why haven't you run?" Regina asked without thinking.

"Regina you may hate yourself, but I, I don't. You hold my heart, and nothing is going to stop me from holding yours. I love you."

Emma moved into Regina cupping her face and kissing her sweetly, it was slow and gentle and kind.

Regina wrapped her arms around Emma and all she could think about was in this précis moment, it felt so unbelievably right and it made Regina feel completely and utterly blessed to have Emma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you for reading and don't forget to review!


	5. What really happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Curvature font is each persons thoughts. Bold font is flashback/night terrors]
> 
> In this chapter there is a bit of fluff but it becomes very dark, and extreme trigger warning for rape. I tried to do it as sensitivity as I can considering the flashbacks and night terrors are exactly what happened to me. I was raped by my boyfriend at 18, he was 17. Then last year I was sexually assaulted so this story is coming from my own experience and I need you guys to understand how hard this was for me to write but I also wanted to show how much pain comes from a rape and/or sexual assault. 
> 
>  
> 
> If this has happened to you please reach out and talk to someone! it gets better. I love you all and I am so thankful that you guys have stuck with this story. It means more to me than you can ever know.

"I really thought you were going to leave me Em, or you'd of at least been scared off."

Regina smiled weakly as she cuddled into Emma, pulling the blanket over them both. Emma smiled lovingly at her girlfriend tucking Regina's hair behind her ear.

"I told you Regina, I'm not running, no matter what happens, no matter where we go, you're stuck with me. I am not running I swear to you."

Regina sinks deeper into the warmth of the blondes body, no words were spoken, just a thick silence that filled the air.

Emma decided she should be the one to break the silence because it was unlikely that Regina would and she didn't mind, she knew that they could sit in silence for hours cuddling and neither of them would feel uncomfortable, however Emma needed to say what was holding her heart hostage.

"Gina..."

"Mmm?" Regina grunted

"I know I pushed you to tell me what was going on today, I pushed hard and I am sorry if it was too much for you I just...I needed you to know that you can trust me and that you don't need to worry about telling me things. Because I love you and I am sticking around and nothing you do or have done will change that. In this life or the next. but I just, I'm sorry if I pushed too hard or I you weren't ready or you, I-"

Emma was starting to get herself in a bit of state and Regina cut her of just in time.

The brunette sat up looking at Emma and took her hands into her own.

"Hey, listen to me Miss. Swan. You did not push me into telling you what happened. You made me tell you Emma, and without that push I would never have been able to open myself up. You did that Em, you. Emma Swan you showed me that I could believe in you and us, you showed me I could trust you. I just needed to let you in and let my walls down. I could never have done that without you."

Regina sighed looking down sadly "What's wrong?" Emma frowned

"I just I need you to know that even though I may have opened up to you it doesn't mean that all the pain and everything else that happened to me, is gone. I'm still-"

"I know that, I know." Emma replied knowing Regina couldn't or wouldn't finish her sentence but she didn't care because she had already pushed her girlfriend pretty hard and she didn't want to make anything worse.

Regina smiled as she lay back down, relaxing her head onto Emma's lap and the blonde stroked the side of Regina's face. "So Chinese or Indian for take out tonight?"

 

 

 

* * *

 

After they'd consumed there Chinese, eaten a bowel of popcorn between them and drank a glass of apple cider each, Emma felt her girlfriend relax into her arms and she looked over at the clock on the wall

"Babe, it's almost midnight, maybe we should go to bed?" Emma suggested but Regina didn't move. 

Emma got up moving Regina off her lap, walking over to the lights and switching them off. Emma walked backed to Regina and she put out her hand out for the brunette to take "You need to sleep."

 Regina nodded, she knew she needed to sleep, she was just so damn scared.

All she could think was _What if he's there. What if hurts me again. I can never do anything to stop it and this time Emma will see what happens when I have a night terror._

Regina couldn't quite work out what she was more afraid of. Reliving the nightmare, or Emma watching her relive the nightmare. Both seemed like things she didn't want to happen, but she would rather Emma was with her than not. Because at least then, at least when she wakes up she will have someone she loves there with her to hold her and to make her feel safe again, that's all Regina has wanted for a long, long time. To feel safe.

_Is it really too much to ask? I just want to be happy._

Emma could see Regina was frozen to the spot with fear, so Emma touched her girlfriends shoulder which made her girlfriend flinch.

"Sorry." Regina whispered

"Don't be." Emma smiled before asking "Can I carry you to bed?"

Regina nodded and Emma bent down scooping Regina up in her arms, just like the night before when she found her bleeding out. Regina wrapped her arms around Emma and rested her head on her shoulder.

All Regina could think was _Why does she care? Why just why?_

Emma could tell her a million and ten times over why, but Regina would still question herself and question Emma's motives twenty times a day even if the blonde did make her feel more safe than she's felt in a very long time. She doesn't even remember feeling this safe. Maybe that was it, because she's never felt this Safe.

No one's ever cared for her like Emma has, it's new and different and scary as hell.

_But I kind of like it._

Emma sat Regina down on the bed before opening up the chest of drawers to find her some pajamas

"Evil Queen Pj.s?" Emma smirked.

Regina just smiled "No Pj's. My stomach's hurting a lot so I'm just going to sleep in my underwear, If it makes you uncomf-"

"Regina, stop it, I want you to feel safe okay? So you sleeping in just your underwear it doesn't make me uncomfortable. As long as you're okay with me sleeping in my underwear and tank top." Emma smirked as she dropped her pants

"Of course I am." Regina replied softly as she took of her bra and top and slid of her pants laying them over a chair in the corner of the room before walking over to her side of the bed and slipping  under the covers, laying on her side. Emma couldn't help but smile at Regina even if she could see that the brunette was terrified but at least now she knew why.

 Emma rolled in to bed on the other side of Regina and wrapped her arms round the brunettes body, she felt her flinch slighty before relaxing into the warm hold.

"Don't let go." Regina whispered as she closed her eyes

"Never," Emma replied and she kissed the top of her girlfriends head, holding her in her arms and falling fast asleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 *** FLASHBACK IN THE FORM OF A NIGHT TERROR  ***

 

**"GET OFF ME! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS"**

**Regina found herself screaming, laying on her back, naked with this man on top of her holding her down and covering her mouth. She screamed out for help but no help came.**

**Leopold laughed "You're my wife now Regina. You will let me do what I want to you whenever I want."**

**The fear in her eyes must have shone through**

**"Please..." Regina exhausted out in a whisper as she tried to wriggle out of her husband's grasp.**

**"Regina, I don't want to hurt you and this will go a lot better if you stopped moving. No one's going to save you."**

**But Regina was a fighter, she tried and tried and tried until he flipped Regina over so she was on her stomach, and at the moment she froze.**

**Time felt frozen, she still managed to let out a whimper of pain as Leopold did what he wanted to her. Regina couldn't stop crying. This man who she's been forced to marry, he was making her do things, things she didn't want to do and she understand why, from this she came to hate herself more than she already did, she knew it was just going to get worse as time went on. What she couldn't understand is why when she screamed no one came for her. How know one saved her.**

**When Leopold finally finished, he sat up and pulled of the covers slapping Regina's naked, and painfully red ass.**

**"A whore just like your mother Regina." Regina was frozen the pain was awful.**

**When Leopold left, a nurse ran into the room running to Regina**

**"Are you okay?" she asked. She knew exactly what had just happened but did nothing.**

 

*** END OF FLASHBACK IN THE FORM OF A NIGHT TERROR ***

* * *

 

Emma awoke with a startle, Regina was kicking and screaming,

"HELP ME! GET OFF ME! PLEASE DON'T" Regina screamed over and over and over again "YOU'RE HURTING ME!"

Emma's heart shattered heaRing her girlfriend go through this, the blonde sat up turning on the light next to her, she placed her hand on Regina's forehead, trying to sooth her as much as she could

"Gina, baby... baby. It's me...It's okay, I'm here. You're safe now, no one can hurt you anymore." Emma calmly did this for a good few minutes, before Regina woke up falling out of bed and forgetting Emma was there.

The brunette grabbed her phone frantically taking out the blade and sitting on the ground tears streaming down her face.

"Regina? What are you doing?" Emma asked hesitantly walking round and kneeling next to her girlfriend. She didn't pry the blade from Regina's hands, she just sat there, waiting for Regina to talk to her.

"I...I can't Emma. I have to..." Regina sobbed looking from her blade to her stomach.

"Regina." Emma let out in a tone that sounded like a beg.

"I... I have to."  Emma tried grabbing Regina's hands but she wasn't quick enough, Regina stood up Running into the bathroom shutting the door behind her.

 

Regina slid down the door, sitting on the floor with her legs out in front of, she could hear Emma on the other side.

"REGINA! REGINA! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS."

"I  have to." Regina whispered loud enough for Emma to hear.

Regina looked down at her legs placing the blade on top of her skin and pressing down hard, dragging the piece of metal slowly across, she could feel the pain, but nothing could equalize to the pain of what Leopold did to her.

Regina closed her eyes feeling the blood drip down the side of her leg with each cut. She could see him. It started again.

 

*** FLASHBACK ***

 

**"Shut your dirty mouth Regina."**

**Leopold was on top of Regina, he was pushing himself  inside her harder each time. He was losing his temper because Regina wouldn't open her legs for him so he violently opened them for her making her scream out in pain.**

**Regina cried and cried until she felt like she couldn't cry anymore.**

**She couldn't breathe, She was frozen, her eyes closed shut so she didn't have to see what he was doing, she couldn't bare to see him shaming her, making her feel so worthless. After an hour he climbed off her looking her in the eyes**

**"You're a worthless piece of shit Regina. You know you want this really" He laughed walking out the room.**

*** END OF FLASHBACK ***

Regina suddenly came out of her flashback, looking down at her legs and at her stomach, she'd cut deeper and done more cuts than she had ever done before, she's never had a flash back before whilst she'd been cutting. Emma was still hammering on the door, screaming for her girlfriend to let her in. Regina pushed herself away from the door, letting Emma come barreling in and leaning herself up against the bath.

"Gina!" Emma gasped running to her girlfriend who was incredibly weak and almost laying down, in the blood that was dripping from her stomach and both her thighs.

"Emma...I'm sorry, I just meant to do a couple... but the flashbacks..." Regina panted with a cry

"It's okay baby, it's okay shhh, shhh." Emma smiled sadly pushing Regina's hair out of her face and looking at the cuts on the brunette's stomach and thighs before noticing blood seeping through her underwear.

 Regina was becoming extremely weak, exhausted, after a night terror and then a flashback, she was shattered.

"Regina, I need to remove your underwear." Emma stated 

"No, no, no! don't please he'll find me! He'll hurt me don't let him hurt me!"

Regina crawled into Emma's arms clinging onto the blonde, like her life depended on it. She was smearing blood all over Emma's very white tank top. It didn't matter though, Emma didn't care that her white top was now very red or that Regina didn't talk to her, no she cared about the fact her girlfriend was in pain and she couldn't do anything to stop it.

"Regina look at me." Emma was firm with her tone, she lifted Regina's face up gently so her eyes met the brunettes.

"He's not here. He's dead. You had him killed remember? No one is going to hurt you. You're safe, no one is going  to ever hurt you again." Emma replied softly

"You don't know that." Regina sobbed shifting back to where she was seated a moment ago, she lent her head back against the bath, relaxing her legs out in front of her.

"Will you let me take your underwear off?" Regina nodded, she closed her eyes and before she could do anything she was frozen in time again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Don't forget to review! Mwah! love you all and stay safe!


	6. Frozen in time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina feels frozen, in her night terrors and flashback, but one good thing is she now has Emma to help her through it all. Regina is starting to remember in her flash back some repressed memories...it was someone who knew what was happening but did nothing to help... (Also just a reminder that what is happening to Regina in this is what happened to me. It's my story that I'm sharing which has been hard to write at times but well worth it.)

Emma looked down at her passed out girlfriend, she pulled of her underwear, leaving Regina completely naked.

Her heart broke at the state of Regina's body, new bleeding cuts on her stomach and thighs, her face was completely tear stained.

The blonde let out a big sigh "Oh Regina."

Emma cupped the brunette's face in her hand

"I love you so much, I hate seeing you in this much pain. He won't ever hurt you again, no one is ever going to hurt you I promise."

Emma stated as she kissed the top of her head standing up, grabbing the first aid kid and sitting back down next to Regina.

 

* * *

 

*** FLASHBACK ***

**Regina looked at the woman who had walked in the room after Leopold had left.**

**"You heard me screaming and did nothing?"**

**The lady looked at Regina with cold eyes but said nothing, Regina didn't move she let the lady wash her, which she winced at in pain the whole way through.**

**"He's the king. Even if we wanted to help you dear. we can't go up against the king, but we don't want to help you. You deserve everything he does to you."**

**She said before disappearing out the room and leaving Regina there on the bed, cold and naked and vulnerable.**

 

 *** END FLASHBACK ***

* * *

"I'm sorry." Regina croaked waking up, looking at Emma who was just finishing up the last of the stitches.

"It's okay." Emma replied softly as she put the band aids over the stitches and put the first aid kit away.

Emma sat next to Regina on the floor "Come on lay down." Emma asked in a firm but gentle tone. Regina didn't even care that she looked like a state or that she had no clothes on, or that Emma probably heard her terrified  screams in her sleep. She just didn't care.

Regina moved herself, so that her head was on Emma's lap, and the rest of her body was curled up. Emma held Regina's hand in her own and used the other to stroke her girlfriends face.

"You can trust me." Emma whispered. She didn't want Regina to be scared, she needed her to know that she was here,  and if she had those flashbacks or nightmares to at least try and talk to her."

All Regina could say in reply was "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry baby. I love you okay, you don't have anything to be sorry for."

"I do." Regina replied holding back her tears.

"My love talk to me." Emma asked gently, continuing to stroke the brunette's face. Regina was trying so hard to hold back her tears that were grasping at the bit to get free.

"I'm here when you're ready to talk, we can stay here all night cuddled up on the cold bathroom floor if you wish. It's entirely up to you." Emma was soft with her voice, knowing that the choice had to be Regina's to make

"But if we stay here maybe I should take of my clothes so we can both be naked." Emma tried to lighten the mood, even if it was just a little bit.

"I want to stay here." Regina replied. "I have my answer then, sit up for me, so I can undress." Regina sat up, her movements were slow and painful.

Emma took of the tank top and underwear she had on, throwing them into the corner and they landed perfectly into the wash bin.

"WHOLE IN ONE." Emma shouted excitedly,  before turning to face the brunette who was almost laughing

"You're a dork." Regina laughed as she tapped Emma's nose with her index finger.  

Regina's eyes had a sparkle in them, a sparkle Emma hadn't seen , not since they kissed that night in the bath.

"Yes but I'm your dork." Emma beamed as she pressed her lips against Regina's. The brunette pulled away just smiling

"Yes. You are my dork and I love you."

Emma sighed, as she pulled Regina back onto her lap, she was so scared for Regina, she didn't want to lose her but she knew if Regina carried on this way. She would lose her permanently.

Emma then heard Regina whisper, just loud enough for her to hear "I'm what's wrong."

"What baby?" Emma asked not sure if she heard her correctly.

"I'm what's wrong Emma." Regina cried louder

"If I'm not hurting myself then I am hurting and pushing away everyone around me. It's all because of me."

"Don't, don't do this to yourself Gina, don't beat yourself up, you don't need to be in any more pain than you already are"

Regina sobbed into Emma's chest as her girlfriend held her tight hoping it would make her feel at least a little bit safe.

It took a good twenty minutes for Regina to calm down

"Come on let's go back to bed."

"NO!" Regina freaked out, quickly moving to the edge of the room, sitting herself against the wall next to the bath. Regina pulled her knees up into her chest shaking her head as she rested it on her knees.

 Emma hesitated for a moment, she didn't go to Regina first, she walked back into the bedroom, when she came back through Emma was in a new pair of underwear and a new tank top.

In her arms the blonde carried a clean pair of cloth pyjamas.

"At least put these on for me."

"Why? don't you like me being naked?" Regina smirked lifting up her head to look at Emma

"Of course I do but you're shivering." Emma smiled as she walked over and kneeled down in front of Regina.

The brunette nodded, accepting defeat.

"Need help?" Emma asked seeing Regina struggling with the pain.

"I am quite capable...Agh!" Regina tried standing up but from being so weak, and in pain she just fell right back down, with her legs collapsing beneath her.

Luckily Emma was there to catch the rest of her body before she fell into a crumpled mess on the floor.

"Now will you let me help you?" Emma smirked with confidence, whilst still being concerned for Regina as she held her under each arm.

"Fine." the brunette grunted.

Emma picked Regina up helping her stand. "Arms up."

Regina felt like a child but she couldn't get dressed herself because the pain was too much, and she felt too weak. Regina put her arms up like Emma asked and her girlfriend pulled her pjyama top over her head, tugging it down her body gently. Regina then stepped into the pyjama bottoms, that Emma was holding out in front of her, she held onto Emma's shoulders for balance as Emma lifted them up to her waist.

"There. That wasn't so bad was it?"

"No. I guess not"

"Wait here." Emma smiled disappearing into the bedroom and re-appearing again with the duvet and pillows from the bed.

"We can have a sleepover in here." Emma beamed as she threw the duvet and pillows over to Regina who was already sat on the bathroom floor.

"Don't we need snacks for that?" Regina asked seriously.

"Yep." and again Emma ran in to the bedroom and came back carrying a box.

"My secret stash of chocolate, chips and bear claws."

"You have a secret stash? Why?"

"For emergencies like this babe." Emma crawled in under the duvet and passing the box to Regina.

"Take your pick. Just leave me a bear claw."

"Of course dear."

Regina sat up against the pillows that she'd placed behind her back against the bath, digging through the box of snacks and took out a snickers bar.

"You've never had chocolate before have you?" Emma asked looking at the confused look on the brunettes face

"Nope...how did you know?"

"You're face." Emma smiled taking the box from Regina and pulling out a bear claw and she started eating like there was no tomorrow.

"Is that good dear?" Regina asked arching her eyebrow

"Mm. sorry." Emma chuckled. Regina didn't reply she just ate her own chocolate bar, and as Emma finished her bear claw Regina pulled the blonde in for a gentle hug.

"You okay?" Emma frowned.

"Yeah I just want to hold you, if you're okay with that?" Regina asked with her last mouthful of chocolate.

Emma couldn't help but smile at Regina being so adorable.

"Of course it's okay, I just don't want to hurt you."

"You won't, I'll tell you if any pain starts."

The blonde nodded in agreement as they lay down, moving the pillows under their heads and positioning the duvet over them both more securely.

Emma set her head on Regina's chest wrapping her arms round her delicately "You good?"

"I'm good." Regina smiled as her heart beat faster, she knew she needed sleep but she was so scared.

"Hey Gina, I'm here okay, nothing is going to happen to you whilst I am here. Close your eyes." Emma said softly reaching up to Regina's face, and stroking the side of it.

"Go to sleep baby." Regina decided to take a deep breath, holding on to her girlfriend for dear life and closing her eyes.

They both fell asleep in each other's arms and Emma's hand slid of Regina's face landing on the pillow next to her as she drifted off.

Emma woke with a startle hearing Regina mumbling, she was kicking her legs, and clutching at the covers, her eyes were shut tight.

"NO! LEOPOLD NO! PLEASE PLEASE DON'T DO THIS! I'LL BE GOOD PLEASE!" Regina cried out.

Emma sat up looking at the pained look in Regina's face, hearing her scream made her heart break a million times over, Emma took Regina's  hands into her own, and started rubbing the back of her hands

"Gina wake up, baby, you're safe. He can't hurt you."

 

* * *

 

 *** FLASHBACK IN A NIGHT TERROR ***

**_Oh god, I'm here again._ **

**Regina cried, she was back in her bed chamber, frozen to the spot, frozen in time she couldn't move.**

**She heard Leopold talking outside the room, talking to the lady of whom Regina couldn't remember who she was or what her name was until she heard what Leopold said to her.**

**"Emily don't let anyone in here okay, no one, except you can come in, not until I'm finished with her. Okay?"**

**"Of course your majesty."**

**Regina could suddenly move she jumped out of bed trying to find another way out the room, Regina was in such a state she didn't hearLeopold walk in, or the door closing. Regina all of a sudden felt his hand wrap around her waist**

**"Where do you think you're going, whore." Leopold spat**

**"Get off me." Regina tried, which just made the king laugh**

**"Oh I don't think so. He picked Regina up, throwing her on to the bed, and ripping off her clothes.**

**He held her arms down above her head so she couldn't move and he forcefully spread her legs, the pain from all the other nights of this, viciously went through Regina's body.**

**Everything hurt and she knew it was about to get a whole lot worse, if Regina even tried not looking at him, he would just make it worse.**

**"NO! LEOPOLD NO! PLEASE! PLEASE! DON'T DO THIS! I'LL BE GOOD PLEASE!" Regina screamed**

**"You'll be good?" The king asked taking of his own clothing.**

**"We'll just have to see about that... considering you've never been good! Not yet anyway. You deserve everything I give you Regina. Everything."**

**Regina couldn't help but cry, and her body shaking with fear but at the same time it was frozen, it was a never ending nightmare. Frozen in time, frozen in this exact moment.**

 

 

*** END OF NIGHT TERROR FLASHBACK ***

* * *

 

Emma repeated and continued the motion of rubbing the brunette's hands until Regina woke up crying.

Emma was expecting Regina to go straight for the blades, but she didn't. No she fell straight into Emma's arms crying and crying and crying.

Emma rubbed circles on Regina's back to try and help comfort and sooth her.

"You're safe baby. You're safe." Emma whispered continuing the circles and kissing Regina's head

"Someone...someone...someone knew." Regina spoke through her cries

"What?"

"Someone knew, they knew what he was doing to me Emma! They knew and did nothing they didn't help. WHY DIDN'T THEY HELP ME?! I WAS SO SCARED AND I COULDN'T MOVE OR BREATHE OR-" Regina's speech had become loud, fast and jittery.

"Hey Gina look at me. LOOK." Emma raised her voice, using a soft tone as to not scare Regina.

The brunette lifted her head, looking up at her girlfriend,

"I am here okay? Come here." Emma pulled Regina in for a tight hug.

"I am so proud of you."

"Why?" Emma chuckled holding Regina against her chest

"Because Gina, you could of gone straight for your blades, and if you did I wouldn't have blamed you, but you didn't. You trusted me enough to just cry and not hurt yourself. You have so much strength within you my love."

Regina smiled weakly but stayed quiet.

"No one helped me Em."

"I know and I'm so sorry I wasn't there to save you, but I am your saviour Regina. No one will ever hurt you again."

"I didn't realize that someone else knew until the last couple of night terrors and flashbacks, it's like I had pushed them away and now...I don't know I just... I... I feel safe with you Emma." Regina took a deep breath

"I've never been so scared before." Regina sobbed leaning against Emma's warm body and tangling her legs up with the blondes, which gave Regina a fuzzy warm feeling inside, it made her smile for no other reason other than, she felt loved and safe and cared for and also for the fact that she was in love with and cared for Emma and wouldn't let anything happen to her.

This was the being frozen in time that she liked because she didn't want it to end, she wanted to stay like this forever and forever because she knew that for the both of them it was one of the best feelings in the world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Again Thank you for reading! Don't forget to review.


	7. A fight for love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> long and short of this chapter. Snow and Henry find out about Emma and Regina being together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, I haven't been very well and I've been distracted too which is why this has taken so long to update, and this is probably a really shitty chapter also if you don't like sex scenes don't read the next chapter because that's what it's going to be! anyway enjoy and review!

Regina smiled as she took Emma's hand walking out the door.

That morning Regina had woken up in Emma's arms after having no nightmares, feeling safe and comforted and they just lay there; for hours it felt like. Some of it talking, some of it not, but whichever it was, it didn't matter because they were both happy.

That's all that really mattered.

Regina hadn't been out the house in three days, so Emma took it upon herself to take her to breakfast at granny's, apart from the mayor needing to get out she was worried that people of storybrooke would take her disappearance, as a chance to elect someone new.

Regina was the perfect fir for the job. There didn't need to be an election.

"Baby, it's going to be fine." Emma smiled squeezing Regina's hand as they arrived outside Granny's.

"But-"

Regina wasn't sure everything would be okay, after all, she was still The Evil Queen, that was according to everyone else.

"Gina, Please believe me. Come on let's get you some breakfast."

Regina nodded locking her fingers in with Emma's and letting Emma take the lead as they walked into the diner. As soon as they walked through that door, everyone turned their heads to see the mayor and the saviours fingers intertwined.

Regina went to let go, but Emma kept a tight hold, and dragged her into a booth at the back of the diner.

Ruby walked over "So? You fucking the mayor now?" Ruby asked seriously with slight anger in her voice

"Ruby-" Emma went to say before Ruby cut her of

"Save it. What can I get you?"

Regina gulped "Could I get a black coffee and..."

Regina looked at Emma not really sure what to have

"Two of granny's breakfast specials please and my usual hot coco, if you can do it without being a bitch that would be appreciated."

Ruby smiled sarcastically and stormed off.

"Emma there was no need for that. What happened with you two anyway?"

"Nothing." Emma huffed

"I am not stupid Miss. Swan. Tell me."

"Look she was being a bitch all the fucking time and then she found out I liked you okay?!"

Emma all but bit Regina's head off.

Regina just stared out the window keeping her hands on the edge of the table until the blonde grabbed them, which Regina instantly snapped away.

"I'm sorry Gina. I didn't me-"

"It's fine." Regina replied sharply.

"Gina?"

"No!" Regina stood up

"I get it Emma, you fucked Ruby and she found out, but taking it out on me is no way to get me to open up!"  

Regina then stormed out of Granny's with everyone looking between the mayor, the saviour and the wolf.

Ruby walked over with the two plates of food

“So you just can’t stop hurting people can you? Don’t worry maybe she’ll curse you, like she cursed as all for twenty eight years.”

Ruby smirked, placing the plates down on the table

“Fuck you Ruby!” Emma left money on the table for the uneaten plates of food, and she ran after Regina, however her mother stopped her just as she reached the door.

“Emma!” Snow smiled hugging her daughter quickly

“What’s wrong?” Snow frowned seeing a worried expression on Emma’s face.

“I’m fine… I need to go after Gina…Regina.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s upset. Mary-Margret please let me past” Snow looked at her daughter more confused

“She’s The Evil Queen. Why should you care or anyone care about her for that matter!”

“Because she has no one and I love her-“

Emma let the last bit slip without realizing, that was until she did realize and she very quickly put her hands to her mouth.

“You? And Regina? Is that what you’ve been doing for three days? Fucking her?”

“Will you shut up! And no we haven’t actually had sex yet if you must know, not that it's any of your business." 

Emma shoved past the woman who was supposedly her mother, not that she felt like it, the way Mary-Margret had been treating her since the curse broke.

Mary-Margret didn't know who Emma was and Emma didn't know who she was, and yet she was being treated, like she's been with her parents for the entire twenty eight years.

She hated it.

"Regina?! wait!"

Emma ran after the mayor who was half way down the street.

Regina didn't stop she slowed down but didn't stop until Emma grabbed her arm, stopping her from moving

"Regina..."

"Save it Emma, you think that because of what's happened to me, because of what I went through. I am now this vulnerable, fragile person who needs to be taken care of. Well Miss. Swan I am not and I don't! I am still the mayor, The Queen. Whatever but I do like it when we hold hands or when you hold me. I feel safe."

Regina took a breath before she continued

"But in there Emma. I felt like you didn't even care about me. I didn't feel safe with you."

Regina held back her tears waiting for Emma to answer.

"Regina. I'm sorry... I just wanted to protect you-"

"I DON'T NEED PROTECTION!" Regina shouted

"I know. I'm so sorry Gina."

Emma looked at Regina holding tight to her hand

"I am sorry Gina."

Regina looked back into the blonde's eyes seeing the sincerity of her apology 

"Okay. Just give me some time on my own... give me an hour and come back to the mansion I just I need some time...please. I won't do anything I promise."

Emma could see that Regina meant what she said and she kissed Regina quickly before letting her go.

 

* * *

 

 

Regina walked away and Emma went back into Granny's, to find her mom and Henry, sitting in the same booth herself and Regina had just left.

She slid in, sitting opposite them both

"Is it true?" Henry asked

"You told him?!"

Emma screeched at her mother making snow white look away sheepishly.

"But Mom she's the evil queen. She's evil. Who could ever love her."

"Henry! That's enough." Emma frowned at her son.

Emma didn't understand, even before the curse broke, how Henry could have such a hatred towards Regina.

Emma just couldn't fathom how the woman she's fallen in love with, even if she had been The evil queen, how anyone could hate her.

"You're mom loves you Henry."

"She's not my mom." Henry grumbled back

"Henry Daniel Mills. Stop it."

Emma stood up looking at the pair of them, they had such hatred in their eyes for Regina. That hurt Emma more than anything.

"Emma, honey? Do you love her?" her mother asked.

"Yes. I do." Emma walked away grabbing two coffee's to go, and walking over to Regina's she knew Regina had asked for an hour but Emma needed to be with her.

 

* * *

 

Emma walked up the path of the mansion, to see Regina sitting on the door stop

"Gina? you okay?"

"Emma!" Regina gasped with a slight smile

"I told you-"

"I know what you said Gina, but my mother, and Henry, I had to come over. I'm sorry."

Emma knelt in front of her girlfriend, holding out one of the hot paper cups

"Coffee?" Regina smiled taking the coffee, and started to drink

"Emma? can I ask you something?"

"Of course. But could we go inside where it's not so cold?" Emma smiled as she rubbed the side of Regina's arm's trying to warm up her shivering girlfriend and helping her to her feet.

As they warmed up by the fire, Emma wrapped her arm around the brunette, pulling her into a tight hug.

"Gina?" Emma asked with baited breathe for her to answer...

"Why do you care about me or love me? I mean everyone else in this town hates me. Everyone looks at me as The Evil Queen, including my son. Why don't you?" Regina asked.

Emma heard the hurt in Regina's voice, especially when she spoke of Henry, she had never seen Regina as The Evil Queen, ever, she always saw as Regina Mills, I woman who had obviously been though so much that her pain had turned to anger and pure hatred.

"I love you Regina, because you are someone that will allow yourself to be vulnerable, but you are one of the strongest people I know and even...even when Henry is so hurtful, you still keep yourself composed. You're not afraid to have a full blown argument in front of people, my favorite thing about you, is that you love me back. Regina you have fire and passion and you love more deeply than anyone I know"

Regina smiled at Emma's words

"Have you ever seen me as The Evil Queen?" Regina whispered just loud enough for the blonde to hear

"No, Never."

"Why not?"

Emma laughed slightly "Well first of you cursed everyone and my parent's shipped me away to Maine in a bloody magic wardrobe. But I never thought you were Evil, I thought you were someone, who had a hell of a lot of issues, specifically you had a lot of anger issues and I knew there was a reason behind those issues, I just felt something had to of happened to make you so angry and cold and so very closed off. I was right. I also knew there is a lot of good in you, you just needed someone to help show you that it's okay to let the good out."

Again Regina couldn't help but smile.

Every time Regina asked Emma a question, the blonde had exactly the right answer.

Emma really couldn't understand why anyone could hate Regina, because for her whenever she thought about her,  a small smile slowly appeared on her mouth, and whenever she saw Regina it only made the smile grow, whenever they kissed or whenever she thought about kissing her, so many butterflies arrived in her stomach, she couldn't stop thinking about her and how she made her feel because no one, not Neal, not Graham, absolutely no one else had ever made her feel like this.

Finally someone who gave her fireworks and made her feel so many emotions all at once. It was unbelievably amazing. She felt safe and just looking at Regina, seeing her smile and her chocolate brown eyes looking back, made her melt.

Emma had no idea how it happened but she'd fallen crazily in love with the woman seated before her. How? how was it that one person could change your life forever.

"How about we go upstairs and get you changed and change those dressings?" Emma asked softly but encouragingly.

"Sure" Regina replied as she stood up.

They reached the bathroom in a matter of minutes, they both walked in and Emma sat Regina down on edge of the bath.

Emma then asked Regina to take of her bottoms and top (which she did without hesitation) and she cleaned up the stitches, then re-dressed them.

Emma gave Regina some comfy clothes to wear, which Regina put on before they walked back into their bedroom.

Regina sat on the edge of the bed and let out a deep sigh, Emma couldn't help but it, she sat down next to Regina on the bed.

"Hey baby?"

Regina just shook her head

"I'm fine."

"No...no you're not, what's wrong?"

Regina looked to her girlfriend with tears springing to her eyes.

"Gina? Hey...hey? Babe? what's going on?"

Emma was starting to get worried

"I'm sorry, it's so stupid"

Emma looked at Regina tucking her hair behind her ear

"What's wrong? It's clearly not stupid, if you're this upset."

Regina was surprised, but comforted by her girlfriends response.

"Come on, my love tell me, talk to me I'm right here."

Emma soothed showing Regina that she wasn't going anywhere, which funnily enough was what Regina wanted to talk to her about.

"Are you going to leave me?!" Regina blurted out

"What?" Emma wasn't sure she had heard it right.

"I'm scared, Okay?"

"That I'm going to leave you?"

Regina looked away before continuing

"Yes and I'm also scared I'm going to be alone forever, especially when you're the only one that even gives a damn about me. I get butterflies every time I think about you or look at you and especially when I kiss you."  

Regina hadn't really spoken about how happy Emma made her, it was always the other way round but their love, for one another went both ways. They really did love each other more than anything.

"I just don't want to be alone forever."

"You won't be." Emma replied as she gazed into Regina's eyes stroking the side of her face, she then leaned in kissing Regina gentle and slow.

"I love you Gina, I am not going anywhere."

Regina gulped before saying the next sentence, knowing it would probably leave Emma in slight shock. whether that would be good or bad shock she wasn't sure.

"I want to have sex with you Emma."


	8. Almost Caught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina and Emma have sex for the first time, is it good? is it not? do they get caught?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the update being so long! been uhh distracted! Also sorry if the writing is shitty in this one, I know it's the best I've done but I have been super sick!

"Gina...Did you just ask me to have sex with you?"

Emma smirked  before Regina looked away not wanting to look the blonde in the eyes.

"You don't want to do you? I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything."

Emma frowned at her girlfriend and took Regina's face in her hands

"Gina it's not that, I just...I don't want you to jump into anything you're not ready for... are you sure you ready for this?"

Regina smiled at the care in Emma's eyes and in a soft tone in her voice

"Yes I'm ready, I've been wanting this for longer than you know. I just didn't know if you wanted to."

Regina frowned with a slight smile as Emma pushed her girlfriend back onto the bed  and straddled Regina

"Does this look like I don't want to?"

Regina shook her head as Emma held her arms above her head

"Gina just if you want me to stop just say the word."

The brunette nodded as the air filled with silence except for the noises or Emma kissing the mayors neck, giving Regina more butterflies than ever before.

Regina closed her eyes as she tilted her head back to let Emma continue kissing up and down her neck, Regina didn't want Emma to ever stop kissing her neck, she didn't realize how much just a simple kissing of her neck, would do to her, but it does a lot.

Emma stopped and pulled of Regina's top and bra, stripping herself of her own top.

Emma kissed down her girlfriend's neck biting gently as she reached Regina's stomach

"You okay?" Emma checked in with Regina.

Even though the brunette was grinning from ear to ear, Emma wanted to check she wasn't hiding any discomfort so every 5 minutes Emma checked in.

Emma held Regina's legs in place on the bed as she put her face between them, she inserted her tongue and Regina let out a rather soft and long moan

"Oh god." Regina smiled as she began arching her back gently  as Emma moved her tongue around Regina's pussy slowly

"Oh god keep going..."

Regina's voice became higher and higher with each movement that Emma made with her tongue.

It didn't take too long for Emma to get Regina to a climax

"I'm nearly there Em!"

Regina screamed whilst Emma flicked her tongue on to Regina's clit quickly over and over again  until Regina came screaming out the blondes name.

Not even a minute went by before the door to the bedroom burst open with snow standing there and Regina and Emma hurrying under the covers

"Mom!" Emma shouted hiding both herself and Regina

"I heard screaming?" Snow asked innocently

"Yes that was me." Regina smirked leaning into Emma

"Why?"

"Why was I screaming? Surly you can work that one out." Regina snarled  holding tight to the covers and her girlfriend.

Snow looked around the bedroom seeing two lots of clothing on the floor by the bed and suddenly, she let out a horrified scream, making Henry and Charming race up the stairs to stand beside Snow.

"Grandma?" Henry asked concerned

"I'm fine Henry. Go back downstairs please."

Henry frowned suddenly turning his face from his grandmother to his mothers bed, which had a massive lump in the middle where Regina and Emma were, hiding under the duvet.

Henry's face went a very bright red and he sprinted from the room faster than any of them had seen him run ever before.

"Get dressed." Snow stated before storming out the room with charming in toe.

Both Emma and Regina burst out laughing as everyone had left the room

"She actually asked why I was screaming? could she not tell it was from your tongue inside me?" Regina smirked as she threw off the covers.

Emma hit her playfully "Babe!"

"What? It's true!" Regina shrieked with a grin

"Your mother almost caught us having sex"

"Yeah well Henry and I walked in on them last week making tacos."

"Tacos?" Regina frowned, there was a two minute pause before you could see the light bulb go of in the brunettes head

"You caught your parents having S E X?"

"eeewwww eeewwww eeeewww!" Regina couldn't help but laugh at Emma's complete freak out, at the thought of her parent's doing it, Emma just jumped out of bed jumping around the room having a minor freak out with her eyes shut.

Regina stood up walking over to Emma and taking her face into her hands to stop her freaking out over her parents, it was funny at first but now Emma was getting herself in a state. 

"Em look at me, stop thinking about them and think about us."

"That image, I just I-" Emma was talking so fast Regina only knew of one way to calm her girlfriend down.

"I'm going to kiss you now, okay?" Regina whispered with her nose almost touching Emma's.

The blonde just nodded grinning ear to ear and Regina slowly placed her lips against Emma's, kissing her soft, beautiful lips and moving her hands to Emma's neck, as they continued into the kiss. 

Regina could probably stay, kissing Emma all day every day, every time they kissed both of them felt the fireworks were going off and even then Regina kept asking herself why? Why does Emma love her.

Maybe she was just pretending, Regina knew she was paranoid, she was scared, it was a fear that Emma would use her and dump her, but she did know, deep down that Emma wasn't like that and wouldn't do that but it didn't make the fear, any less and every day the mayor had to tell herself off for being so paranoid and she started being able to convince herself, that no matter what happened in the past, with her past relationships, Emma was different and she knew that, she loves Emma and Emma loves her and that is the most important thing in all the world.

 

* * *

 

As Regina and Emma walked down the stairs to the living room, now fully dressed they were rather surprised to find Emma's parents, and their son to still be there, sat on the sofa with arms crossed whispering to each other, until they heard the padding of the footsteps from the two young women

"Why are you still here?" Emma asked seriously looking from her mother to Henry

"We need to talk to you... both of you." Snow replied pointing to the sofa next to them.

Emma took a hold of Regina's hand walking over and sitting down on the sofa, pulling Regina on to her lap.

"Okay so why do you need to speak to us?" Emma asked with a confused look.

"I... we... we don't like this... you two being together it's wrong." Snow said with hesitancy and suddenly looking at the floor, when she could practically seeing the smoke coming from her daughters ears

"Babe stand up." Emma said as she patted the side of one of the brunette's thighs.

Regina stood up, immediately removing herself from her girlfriends lap waiting for Emma to stand, with a slightly worried feeling that she would do something...bad, not sure what exactly but she knew it wouldn't be good.

Emma stood up next to The mayor and held her hand tight in her own

"What don't you like? The fact that I am gay and holding my girlfriends hand? or the fact that my girlfriend is The Evil Queen... according to you she's The Evil Queen but to me she's so much more, to me she's..."

Emma looked at the trembling brunette standing next to her, and she kissed her cheek smiling

"to me she's just Regina." Emma smiled before she turned back to her parents waiting for a response

"But mom she's Evil!"

"Henry!" Regina suddenly found her voice

The heartbreak she felt every time he told her that she wasn't his mother, it was awful, she could hardly stomach it.

Regina let go of Emma's hand and walking over to her son

"How could you say that? I am your mother!"  

"No you're not! You're the evil queen how could I love anyone who's done such horrible things?" Henry shouted before pointing at Emma

"She's my mom and you've used some sort of magic on her to make her fall in love with you."

Regina couldn't believe the words forming from her 11 year old sons mouth.

"Henry Daniel Mills!" Emma came to Regina's side

"Regina is your mother, she's raised you for ten years, and right now you're being incredibly unkind and cruel."

Emma said firmly holding Regina around the waist, in case she collapsed.

"I can't.... I can't do this." Regina looked at Emma before removing herself from her grip and running up the stairs and out of sight

"Gina wait-" Emma tried looking towards her girlfriend worriedly as she rushed away, but not getting her voice heard in time.

The blonde turned back to her so called family sitting on the sofa

"Get out now before I throw you out." Emma shouted moving towards her mother.

They didn't need to be told twice, they all ran as fast as they could out of the house.

 

* * *

 

As the front door slammed shut Emma heard the running of water from the bathroom up stairs and she knew that could mean only one thing.

Regina is very specific about when she has a bath or shower and now was not that moment.

Emma ran up the stairs and rattled the door knob of the bathroom door

"Gina!! Babe! come on let me in please!!!"

Emma shouted, as she panicked, the door was then magically unlocked.

As Emma pushed on the door she fell into the bathroom, to see Regina sitting naked in the bath holding the blades in her hand but she hadn't done anything.

Emma kneeled next to the bath tub and scrapped Regina's hair out of her face to see her crying.

"He hates me." Regina sobbed

"Hey come on, he's a kid he doesn't understand everything that's happened."

"He hates me." Regina repeated

"I don't." Emma smiled as she kissed her girlfriends forehead

"In fact I love you."

Regina smiled "I know you do, I know I'm so lucky to have you but-" Regina continued to sob as Emma stroked the side of her face

"Look at me everything will be okay I promise you that."

"How? how can you promise that?" Regina shouted through her tears

"Hey don't take it out on me I know you're angry at Henry, and have every right to be but don't take it out on me. I am just trying to help."

Emma said with frustration.

The brunette sighed "I know, I'm sorry Em. Now help me out I'm cold." the mayor smirked as she stood up and jumped out the tub with Emma's help, she then pulled on some pants and a top.

"I am sorry." Regina kissed Emma slowly holding her face in her hands

"and I do love you, I just I wish Henry didn't see me as The Evil Queen, I get your parents seeing me as her, but Henry? He will never forgive me."

Regina cried looking into Emma's eyes as the tears fell from her face

"Oh Gina, he will come round just give him time."

"Will they ever accept us though?"

"You mean my parents?" Emma frowned wrapping her arms around Regina and pulling her into a tight hold

"Not just your parents."

"Regina, I just need you, if no one else accepts us, I don't care because I love you and you are my everything."

"Wow cheesy much? I love it and you." Regina smiled looking at her girlfriend as she placed a small kiss on Emma's nose.

 

* * *

 

Suddenly there was a rather alarming knock at the front door of the mansion scaring them both half to death.

"I'll go." Regina smiled squeezing Emma's hand and kissing her forehead before gently walking down the stairs to the front door, she stood there seeing the silhouette of the figure, her heart dropped.

Not only did it look like someone who shouldn't even be standing there.

Regina just felt like something was wrong, she felt uneasy and certainly didn't want to open that door.

It was like being in a horror film, more so if it is the person she feels and thinks it is that's standing on the other side.

 Regina opened the door to see exactly the person she really didn't want to see, her heart dropped even more than it already had, she felt clammy and shaky, she couldn't breathe, she choked up and just wanted the ground to swallow her up and she was trying so hard not to cry.

"Hello Regina."

The woman stated in a Queen like manor before Regina managed to be able to get out a word, just one word

"Mother." and the tears fell from her eyes, which she knew her mother would berate her for later.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you for reading, don't forget to review! please me nice - even with the shitty writing but I have some exciting chapter for chapter 9!


	9. Queen of hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We all know who the Queen of hearts is... but is she really back? and what does she want? How will Regina cope? Will her mother turn her back to being evil again or will the mayor be able to resist the temptation of the darkness?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's not as long as normal, but seen as I've been working on this chapter a while I thought it's about time I post it. Hope you enjoy, don't forget to comment!!

Regina stood there frozen for, she didn't know how long, it was like a dream.

A dream with in a dream.

She was suddenly bought out of her state when her mother spoke

"Don't just stand there gawping. Invite me in, it's very rude not to, oh and stop with the crying I didn't bring you up to be so weak."

Regina still wasn't sure what to say but she moved aside to allow her mother into the house.

Regina felt relieved when Emma came flying down the stairs

"Babe is-" Emma started before seeing Cora in her living room.

Emma went straight over to Regina putting her arm around her girlfriends waist in comfort and support, also a part of her wanted to show the queen of hearts that she wasn't afraid of her.

"Cora. What do you want?" Emma asked as she felt Regina shaking in her arm.

"Oh and nice to see you too Saviour..."

"Cora what the fuck do you want? Your daughter doesn't need any more stress in her life and with you around, well her stress levels are going to sky rocket and I really don't want that to happen."

Emma's voice was getting higher, the angrier she became.

Cora stepped back seeing as how hot headed the sheriff was becoming

"Emma... calm down..." Cora started before the blonde snapped back

"Excuse me? Calm down? CALM DOWN! I don't care why you're here, you're the reason why Gina is so... so angry at herself. She blames herself for almost everything that goes wrong. It's no wonder she has a hard time trusting people, when you were the one bringing her up in this world, when you were the one who continually made her feel like the she was never good enough. You are the devil himself reincarnated."

Cora took another step back and both her and Regina looked as shocked as each other to what Emma had just said, but shocked for different reasons.

Regina because no one had ever stood up to her mother in that way before and lived to tell the tale, however Cora was shocked because she was almost disgusted that anyone would talk to her in that way, and even more shocked as to why Regina hadn't killed the blonde who had just spoken to her in that disgusting manor.

Then Cora realized how Emma was standing next to her daughter.

It took the queen of hearts a few minutes to grasp the concept fully but when she `did, both The sheriff and the Mayor could see that Cora was about to lose it, and Emma immediately stood in front of her girlfriend feeling the need to protect Regina from Cora, which to be honest wasn't that unusual.

Even after a nightmare that Regina had of Cora, Emma still felt the need to protect her girlfriend from the one person that should have protected her growing up.

Cora took a deep breath before angrily asking "Are you two...t...together? as a couple? as in..."

and Cora turned to the sheriff "Are you dating my daughter Miss Swan?"

"Yes." Emma replied with no fear in her voice at all

"Em..." Regina pushed her girlfriend aside gently

"Yes mother, myself and Emma are together, 3 months now if you must know. Now I know there's going to be some kind of problem, there always is with you what is it? and more importantly why would I help you?"

Regina looked her mother dead in the eyes, if she looked any harder she'd drill a hole through Cora's face.

the light brunette had a grin on her face

"Well, there's no problem, more of a solution."  

The mayor could tell by her mother's grin that she was up to something

"Mother what on earth are you talking about?" Cora looked to Emma and back to her daughter

"I have a solution to your Snow and Charming problem. I can get their hearts for you and even make Henry accept this fucked up relationship."

Emma looked to Regina not really sure if she was going to go along with her mother or not, they may be a couple but that didn't stop Regina's hatred for Emma's parents, although Emma really wouldn't blame her at this point, she also hated her parents a hell of a lot right now, she just hoped that her girlfriends hatred wouldn't get the better of her and she would say no to Cora.

Emma may hate her parents but at the end of the day they're still her parents, and she loves them. Regina did take a few minutes to even answer but the answer was obvious from the start, she  looked up at her mother with a frown

"I know what I want to do, the Evil part of me wants to say yes, but the me part, the good part knows what the right things to do is, so Mother I have to decline, this is my future mother and father-in-law you're talking about so no."

Cora looked at her daughter in absolute shock

"What?! Are you serious? Maybe you should re think this dear I-"

"No Mother this is my decision. My choice. and I am sticking to it. Now please leave before I throw you through the window... and I will gladly throw you through that window."

Regina replied as she crossed her arms standing tall next to her girlfriend.

Cora wasn't sure what to do or say, as her daughter hadn't spoken to her in this way since the day she sent her to wonderland.

Cora took a deep breath "As you wish, but if you change your mind you know where to find me." and with that Cora disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

 

* * *

 

 

As soon as the brunette knew her mother had gone, she just fell to the floor, tears falling fast down both her cheeks.

Emma knelt down next to her girlfriend wrapping her arms round her and cradling her, refusing to let her go, Emma needed her to know she was safe with her, nothing bad was going to happen.

"It's okay...It's okay" Emma soothed stroking the mayors face and tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Babe...I am here, she won't hurt you I promise you that."

Regina just sobbed in her girlfriends arms

"How? how can you promise me that? All those nightmares...I thought they were just that, but now I know they were trying to warn me"

"Gina you couldn't of known."

"But I could of listened to the nightmares." Regina cried, trying to remove herself from Emma's arms

"No...I won't let you go, I promise you, nothing will happen she can't hurt you. You are so much stronger than you think, you're not your mother, you can make the right choices Gina and you always do." Emma whispered.

Regina suddenly got to her feet with Emma holding onto her, she turned to her girlfriend placing a quick kiss on her lips

"Emma, I'm... I am okay, for the first time in my life I actually don't want to hurt myself and I actually feel happy to be alive... Em I'm okay and I am going to be okay I'm going to survive this...my mother."

Emma had a massive grin on her face before she kissed her girlfriend on the forehead

"I'm proud of you... "

the blonde put her hand on the side of the mayors face

"Hey How about we find something to watch on Netflix and have take out, your choice?" Regina couldn't help but smile

"Date night?" "Of course."

The blonde smiled back kissing Regina on the forehead and walking away to find some menu's, she came back, Regina was now curled up on the sofa and Emma handed her a handful of Menus.

"I love you Gina."

Emma grinned as she sat behind the mayor and holding Regina tight in her arms "I love you too Em... always and forever."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it and don't forget to like and comment! xx


	10. Fear for a Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are Regina's fear rational? Or is there really something going on with Emma?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally Chapter 10 is here!! Enjoy! don't forget to Review.

Regina hadn’t seen her mother since that night, which had been about two months, which was a little concerning considering what her mother was like.

Regina also hadn’t heard from Emma in a couple days, well not her normal self, she couldn’t explain it there was something off with Emma, the messages she sent just didn’t feel like the woman she knows and loves, or maybe she was stressing over nothing, after all Emma was with her parents for the last few days.

They didn’t want Regina there, which at first it hurt but then she thought maybe it will be good for her girlfriend to have time with her family, without her being there.

Everyone in Regina's life had either died, or just left so that fear, that it would happen again grew when she didn’t hear from Emma, or felt like the blonde wasn’t herself, she just needed a gentle reassurance that everything would be okay and that Emma wasn’t going to leave her, she would stick by her through everything and that Emma loved the mayor like Regina loved the sheriff.

The brunette didn’t want to seem needy or clingy she hated herself even more at the thought that she was, but for the first time in a long time she felt truly at home with Emma.

 

* * *

 

 

_"Miss Swan, is everything okay?”_

Regina text her girlfriend not expecting an answer straight away but she received one with just a simple _“_ _Yeah”_

Regina just thought,  **okay she doesn’t want to talk to me.**

The mayor felt a little hurt, but maybe Emma was just busy, she needed to learn not to worry about her not answering or her short answers, it was just Regina’s mind making things seem worse than they are, she just had to remind herself of that because she didn’t want to lose Emma over her fears that were very logically not real.

 Regina sat in her office trying to keep herself busy with her work until she would hear from Emma, it was hours finally Regina decided to message Emma _“_

 _Babe... Are you sure you’re okay? You’re awfully quiet? I’m worried.”_ _“_

_I’ve been quiet because I’ve been with family Gina.”_

Regina automatically felt bad _“Sorry, love you.”_ Regina replied and just left it.

 

Suddenly it dawned on her how fucking ridiculous she was being.

Yes she wanted to talk to her girlfriend but she didn’t need to be joined at the hip, she knows that Emma loves her, just because she doesn’t say it all the time like Regina does, it certainly doesn’t mean she loves her any less, and Regina just needed to remember that.

 

* * *

 

 

A few hours later, the mayor arrived home and she decided to run herself a bath, she felt maybe it would help relax her after everything that had happened.

Suddenly there was a loud knock at the door, the brunette still in her pant suit padded her way down the stairs and answered the door

“Emma?” Regina smiled seeing her girlfriend standing at the front door

“Hey babe. Can I come in?” Regina’s smile just grew and she kissed Emma quickly

“Yeah.” Regina replied with no hesitation

“W...what are you doing here Emma?” “I wanted to see you, is that okay with you?” Emma smiled slightly

“Perhaps.” Regina replied with an underlying grin.

Emma walked in and sat on the couch next to Regina,

“I’m not going to apologize.”

“Okay. I never expected you to Emma, I’m the one that needs to apologize.”

“You do?” Emma questioned, she had never heard Regina apologize sincerely.

So this was new for them both.

“Yes...” Regina stood up suddenly pacing the floor “Yes... I need apologize, you were with your family, you’re parents, and I was expecting you to message me. You’re busy; I can’t expect that, I just missed you a lot, maybe more than I should. I try not to, but I can’t help it if I’m in love with you.”

“You’re in love with me?”

“Yes you idiot. And I guess I just miss how you were at the beginning of our relationship, you know? You’d message me and tell me you loved me the same amount that I would to you, and I just feel I should understand that it can’t always be like that and overall I should defiantly not expect that. So for expecting you to message me when you are busy and with your family, I am sorry Emma, and I just hope you can forgive me.”

“Regina... I...of course I can forgive you. Yes it was slightly annoying, but I’m used to you being annoying, it’s why I love you. Look at me...”

Emma stood up taking Regina’s hands into her own

“I promise, if anything was wrong I would tell you, you know this. Please try not to worry.”

Regina couldn’t help but feel like an idiot but she just laughed.

“Okay.”

 

* * *

 

Emma spent the night with Regina, having time together without upsetting her, but she had something to tell Regina, and she wasn’t sure how.

They had breakfast and then Emma decided it was time to tell her girlfriend what had happened.

Emma put the kettle on,

“Umm Gina, I...I need to tell you something.”

“What is it?” Regina replied finishing up her fruit and yogurt, sitting up on at the island in the kitchen.

“It’s about your mother...”

with just that word Regina almost chocked on her food.

“What? What has she done now?”

“Well she saw me yesterday, she asked me to break it off with you, which let me just say would never happen. I love you too much.”

“Wow. I knew she wouldn’t change... I knew it.”

All of a sudden there was a loud smash behind Regina, the mayor had become so angry her magic flared up and she smashed the kitchen window behind her.

“Ahhh!” Emma screamed

“Sorry.” Regina told her girlfriend before standing up and putting her bowl in the dishwasher.

“It's uhh... it's fine.” Emma laughed

“I’d feel the same, if it were my mother, in fact I do.”

“If we ever get married neither of our parents are coming, understood?” Regina stated and her girlfriend nodded in reply.

“Look, Emma, my mother she tore out Daniel’s heart right in front of me, there is no saying what she will do to you if she gets the chance, I can’t lose you. My biggest fear right now is that she will take away yet another person that I love.” Regina said as she kept her composure

“Gina, I may get a lump in my throat when you cry, but that does not mean you need to keep strong when you feel like you’re going to cry, let yourself feel, you are not that heartless queen that everyone thinks you are. I know that, I know you...”

“Stop.” Regina replied with a shaky voice

“I am still that evil queen that wanted your mother dead for so long.”

“I don’t blame you.”

“Emma please just enough. She is still your mother and she didn’t deserve what I did to her and you know it, don’t kid yourself.”

 Emma didn’t know exactly how to react, but she knew her girlfriend was right, she hated her parents right now, she had just spent a whole 2 weeks with them and that was enough, the whole time her parents were telling her how bad Regina was for her, and that she was going to kill Emma to get to them.

Emma knew it was a whole load of bullshit, and that fact that her own parents, who let’s face it, did abandon Emma when she was born, when they could have tried to find another way, and to have their daughter back they have a very funny way of showing that they want Emma to stay in their lives.

The fact that the Charming's have even convinced Henry that Regina is bad for her, that was the last straw.

The last thing Emma told her parents before she left was “You are not my parents, my parents; my family would not do this.” And she walked out the door not looking back.

“Maybe we should talk about this later.” Emma stated becoming a little uncomfortable with the conversation at hand.

She tried walking away, but Regina grabbed Emma’s arm stopping her

“No, what’s going on? Talk to me. You’re always giving me a hard time about how I do not talk to you, well now it’s your turn. Did something happen with your parents Em?”

Emma stayed stood still before whispering out a “Yes...”

Regina maneuvered Emma onto the seat next to her

“You need to explain to me what happened exactly?” Emma took a deep breathe before explaining

“I told my mom I didn’t want her in my life, if she couldn’t accept you.”

“You stood up for me? To your parents?” “Of course.” Emma grinned “I love you.”

 And so that was that. It was the first time in Regina’s life that she felt truly loved, she still had those underlying fears but the love Emma showed her was stronger than any of her fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please review and be nice.


	11. Surprise! We're married.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm never good at summary's but, two years has passed since the last chapter, in this one you will find out if Emma truly cut out her parents.
> 
> There is going to be a lot more darkness with Regina and her mental state.
> 
> She relapses after two years, in a massive way.
> 
> Does Emma stick with Regina or leave? We all know the answer to this; I could never write a SwanQueen breakup fic.
> 
> It’s difficult for them but they find a way, they always do.
> 
> This is Emma and Regina we’re talking about

 

**So, I haven’t updated this in a long while. I am sorry.**

**Chapter 11 for you and here I am.**

**I will try and make this as long as I can without it being too much for one chapter.**

**This chapter will include angst, hurt, pain, fluff and a few little laughs too.**

**Lots of SwanQueen in this one yayyyy.**

**Just going to explain what is happening with this chapter.**

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

“What’s wrong Em?” Regina frowned walking into the kitchen and seeing the expression on her wife’s face.

 

 

“My parents, if that’s what I can even call them, they phoned me this morning.”

 

 

“Uh oh...”

 

 

“They want us over for dinner.”

 

 

“Dinner?! Dinner?! They haven’t spoken to you in over two years and now they want dinner?! What?! That’s insane!” Regina shrieked

 

 

“I know, I know, babe.” Emma sighed looking over at Regina, passing her the caramel iced coffee she had just picked up at Granny's before coming home.

 

 

Regina took a slurp of the coffee before answering “Thank you for the coffee darling, Em, you’re not a bad person for saying no to dinner with your parents.”

 

 

Emma looked up at Regina sheepishly

 

 

“Oh, hell no! You didn't! You said yes?! Please tell me you did not say yes?!”

 

 

“Maybe...”

 

 

“Have you completely lost your mind!?” Regina shrieked

 

 

“Regina...” Emma tried

 

 

“No, no...Absolutely not. I’m not going.”

 

 

“Babe, pleaseeeee.” Emma whined

 

 

Regna went and stood directly in front of wife with her arms folded. “I told you I'm not going and that’s final.”

 

 

Emma went and walked behind her wife, wrapping her arms around her “Pleaseeeeee.” Emma whined again

 

 

“Miss. Swan” Regina purposefully used her wife’s maiden name, it usually won her favours later in the bedroom “...you can be as cute as you like I’m not going.”

 

 

Emma unwrapped her arms and made her way round to look Regina in her beautiful dark brown orbs, knowing that she would have no other choice but to comply and go for dinner; Emma gave her wife the best puppy dog eyes she could muster, along with a little wobbling pout.

 

 

Regina looked down at Emma being absolutely adorable, trying her hardest not to cave, but she wouldn’t last for much longer.

 

 

The brunette still had her arms folded and as she looked down at the pout, and more importantly the puppy dog eyes, she felt herself crumbling, it was the one thing she could never ignore.

 

 

Finally Regina let her arms fall to her side

 

 

“That’s not fair! You know I can’t resist that pout and those fucking puppy eyes of yours.”

 

 

“You can punish me later.” Emma smirked

 

 

Regina held Emma’s chin, between her thumb and the knuckle of her index finger “Oh I intend to do just that dear.”

 

 

Emma just looked at Regina knowing that she herself had just given Regina a challenge and her determined wife would most definitely follow through with it.

 

 

“Fine, when do we need to be there?” Regina asked with a little grin appearing in the corners of her mouth

 

 

“Half an hour.”

 

 

“HALF AN HOUR?!” Regina shouted

 

 

Emma nodded, showing a toothy grin

 

 

“Okay, okay, maybe I’ll wear one of my Evil Queen outfits-“

 

 

“No!”

 

 

“Ohhhh, Why not?” Regina grumbled

 

 

“Because, my mother will have a fucking heart attack.”

 

 

“Fine, fine, fun sucker.” Regina argued as she went upstairs, disappearing from Emma’s sight.

 

 

 

* * *

 

  
  


“You ready Gina?” Emma asked as she put on her red leather jacket and stood by the front door waiting for her wife.

 

 

“Do I have to do this?”

 

 

“If you want to ‘punish me’ later then yes, you do. It’s all going to be okay my love.”

 

 

Regina was wearing one of her usual pant suits, and Emma was just wearing a tank top, jeans, boots and her red leather jacket, after all it was just dinner with Emma's parents nothing more.

 

 

Emma grabbed her wife’s hand, pressed her lips hard against Regina’s before breaking “Come on, sweetheart. It’s time.” And with that the both of them made their way out the mansion and down the main street of storybrooke, hand in hand until they reached the loft.

 

 

“Hey, it’s going to be just fine.” Emma gave Regina’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

 

 

“I hope so.” Regina sighed, before knocking at the door three times.

 

 

Snow white opened the door and her face changed from a smile upon seeing Emma to a frown when she noticed Regina “What’s she doing here? We invited you for dinner not her.”

 

 

“Mom, please, if you want me here, Regina comes with me, we are a package deal and if you don’t like it well, tough shit I’m afraid.”

 

 

Regina couldn’t help but smile inwardly, even though all she wanted to do was run home and find the sharpest blade she could, lock herself in the bathroom and press the blade hard down on her upper thigh, but she stayed strong, standing by Emma’s side, because whenever Emma sticks up for her it still makes her heart swell inside her chest.

 

 

Snow took a few seconds before agreeing to Emma’s terms and stepping aside “I guess you should come in then.”

 

 

“We’re just ordering take-out, hope that’s okay.” David says before taking down everyone’s order as Emma and Regina sat on the couch, continuing to hold hands.

 

 

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” Snow smiled, taking the list and money from David and walking out the loft to go pick up the food and leaving just David, Emma and Regina together.

 

 

“So you bought her?” David growled as he grabbed a beer and a cider from the fridge passing them both to Emma, and Emma passed the cider to Regina.

 

 

“Yes I bought Regina, we come as a package deal Dad if you can’t accept that, then I can go another 28 years without talking to you, I managed it perfectly well the first time around.” Emma snapped as she took a swig of the beer.

 

 

“Look Emma...” David pulled up a chair to face his daughter and sat down “We love you and we want you in our lives but...” David took a sharp inhale of breath “Your mother and I don’t think she’s good for you, you deserve better than the evil queen.”

 

 

Emma slowly placed the beer bottle on the table “Well here’s the thing, she’s my wife and I will do anything for her and plus you haven’t spoken to me in over two years! Why the fuck would you give a shit now?” Emma shouted before she felt a tug at her sleeve from Regina and she sat back down.

 

 

“Y-you’re married?” David frowned just as his own wife walked back in with the food placing it on the table.

 

 

“Did you say you’re married?” Snow frowned unpacking the food.

 

 

“Yes! For fuck sake, Emma proposed to me a year ago, I said yes and we were married within two months, no we didn’t tell you because you were ignoring your family and being very disrespectful to your own daughter!” Regina lost it as she held up her hand showing off the beautiful silver wedding rings on her finger.

 

 

“Baby, breath. Come here.” Emma pulled a trembling Regina in for a tight hold against her body.

 

 

“We wouldn’t have needed to ignore our daughter if she had just broken up with you like we asked her in the first god dam place Regina. This is all because of you!” Snow snapped

 

 

“No. Mom, this is because of you, you let your hatred for my wife rule your head, which made you stop talking to me. You have no one to blame but yourself, now unless you have something else to we’re going to go.”

 

 

“No, wait.” Snow walked over to Regina kneeling in front of her “I know you’re secret Regina and we both know I can’t keep secrets...”

 

 

“Mom are you threatening my wi-“

 

 

Regina held up her hand stopping Emma from talking “What secret is it that I have then Snow White?”

 

 

Snow grabbed Regina’s wrists and pushing up her sleeves “These scars Regina, they are self inflicted you were hurting yourself, although I see no knew fresh cuts, so maybe you’ve just become more secretive.”

 

 

“STOP!” Regina shouted standing up right “It’s none of your god damn business and you have no right to talk to me about my pain...pain that you caused.” Regina shook her head before looking at Emma “I’m sorry, babe, I...I can’t...” Regina trembled before pushing Snow out the way and walking abruptly from the room slamming the door, just about stopping herself from crying until she was outside the loft.

 

 

“Oh, well done mother, if your goal was to lose me permanently...” Emma set her beer and the cider that Regina threw at her before she left, onto the table “You’ve succeeded.”

 

 

Emma stood up walking out the loft leaving her parents calling after her but they did not follow.

 

 

“Regina?” Emma frowned, seeing that Regina was nowhere in sight “Regina? This isn’t funny.” Emma asked concern lacing her voice. Seeing that her wife  was certainly nowhere in sight, Emma panicked fearing the worst and she ran off outside and down main street, heading back to the mansion.

 

 

 

 

“REGINA?!” Emma screamed entering the mansion “Regina? Baby? Please don’t so anything stupid! Please!” Emma’s voice echoed through the house before she heard something that made her heart stop.

 

 

Running water.

 

To most people, running water would just be for someone taking a bath. Nothing unusual about it, right?

 

 

However Regina hasn’t taken a bath on her own in over two years, not after the last incident where Regina cut so deep, Emma found in a bath bleeding out and the brunette was rushed to hospital.

 

Emma ran up those stairs as fast as she could and into the bathroom “NO! No! NO, NO, NO, NO!” Emma cried, pulling her wife from the bath tub.

 

 

The blonde couldn’t believe after two years, Regina had done it again, hurt herself in the bath, except there was little water this time, just the blood left, and now sitting on the floor in Emma’s arms there was blood pouring from open, fresh cuts on her wrists, thighs and stomach.

 

 

“Regina? Why? Why would you do this?” Emma sobbed, holding her wife close and pressing on Regina’s thighs and stomach.

 

 

“I...I...your mother...” Regina gasped, falling in and out of consciousness

 

 

“Regina...why listen to her now? After everything?”

 

 

“Because...” Regina croaked “She’s right, she can’t keep secret’s her knowi-“

 

 

“Regina?! Regina?!” Emma screamed, shaking Regina as she fell completely unconscious.

 

 

Emma wrapped Regina up in a towel and scooped her up in her arms, the blonde quickly carried Regina out the mansion and into her bug placing the brunette in the passenger seat.

 

 

Emma ran round to the driver’s side and quickly fired up the bug and headed to the hospital “Hold on Regina... Please hold on, sweetheart. Come on.”

 

 

Emma finally arrived at the hospital only just stopping outside as she was driving way over the speed limit, she carried her wife in screaming for a doctor, and within seconds Regina was rushed off into surgery.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Regina had been surgery for at least two hours before a Dr. Alvarez came out to find Emma “Mrs. SwanMills?” Dr Alvarez asked looking around thw waiting room.

 

 

“Oh me, that’s me!” Emma stood up quickly, her face red a blotchy from crying “Is...Is uhh, is she-will my wife be-“

 

 

Emma couldn’t quite get her words out, but the doctor just smiled at her “She’s fine, you’re wife is going to be just fine, would you like to see her now?”

 

 

“Umm yes please. If I can?” Emma frowned, with a glimpse of a smile.

 

 

“Follow me. She’s just starting to wake up now.” Dr. Alvarez walked Emma through to where Regina was, in a private room and as the doctor had said was just starting to wake up “Call if you need anything.” The doctor, smiled sweetly before walking away and leaving Emma and Regina alone.

 

 

Regina pulled up a seat next to Regina’s bed and sat down, grabbing the mayor’s hands into her own “Gina? Gina? Sweetie?” Emma whispered so as not to startle her wife.

 

 

“Hi.” Regina croaked, before she turned away from her wife, with embarrassment.

 

 

“Hey...none of that.” Emma smiled bringing Regina’s face back to look at her “I know...I know why you did it, but I wish you had of talked to me sweetheart, I’m your wife.”

 

“And she’s your mother and the reason I did this again. After two fucking years Em, what does that make me?” Regina sobbed.

 

 

“It makes you Regina SwanMills, an amazing woman and my wife who is in a lot of pain and still struggles with how to deal with her emotions, because this is the only way you have ever known how to cope Regina and that’s okay, one day you will get to a place where you don’t feel like you have to do this. I promise.” Emma smiled as she leaned over and kissed Regina’s forehead, something Regina would never admit that she loved more than anything.

 

 

“How did you still have so much faith in me?”

 

 

“Because I know you have the strength in you. Regina you just need to believe you have it too.” Emma smiled “Want me to lie down next to you Madam Mayor, who absolutely doesn’t like snuggles?” Emma teased

 

 

Regina just poked out her lip in a pout “Shut up. And yes please.”

 

 

So at that with the request of her queen, Emma wasted no time at all in getting in the bed next to her wife, and pulling Regina in to a tight hold, rubbing a soothing hand up and down the mayors back. “I love you Regina, I couldn’t bare to lose you. It would kill me.”

 

 

“I’m sorry.” Regina whispered “I should of spoken to you.”

 

 

“Yes, you should have but we can talk about this later, please get some sleep for now.”

 

 

“Don’t leave me!” Regina panicked

 

 

“Hey, hey, hey...” Emma ran her fingers through Regina’s hair, in a soothing manner “I’m not going anywhere baby, I’m staying right here, now sleep sweetheart.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Regina had to spend three days in hospital under observation, mainly to make sure she was no longer a risk to herself.

 

 

As soon as Emma arrived home with her wife, she doted on her hand a foot, which for Regina was a little hard to accept, but she knew she had to try at least. She did try; she wasn’t going to let anything stop her from trying.

 

 

“Emma? What if your Mother tells everyone?” Regina frowned, with worry.

 

 

“Then we will deal with it. But sweetheart, you need to talk to me, because I know what you’re thinking.” Emma sighed, sitting on the end of the couch and lifting Regina’s legs onto her lap.

 

 

“Oh? And what am I thinking, darling?” Regina raised an eye brow at her wife.

 

 

“You’re thinking you want to go into that bathroom, pick up a blade and press down and drag it across your skin.” Emma said as if was the most normal thing in the world, however in this house it was their new normality.

 

 

“I hate you.”

 

 

“No you don’t.”

 

 

“No I don’t.” Regina smiled a little.

 

 

“We will be okay, you know that?”

 

 

“I know, I just if your mother saying what she said sends me into such a downward spiral, how am I ever going to cope with anything again?” Regina questioned, unsure of how she really would cope with her emotions and pain, especially if Emma was going to be keeping a careful watch on her from now on.

 

 

Emma had made sure Regina took the next month off work completely and even though Regina put up a big fight on the matter, in the end Emma won, by telling her ‘I could of lost you and I don’t want to worry that’s going to happen whilst you’re at work’ and that for Regina was enough to make her re-think it all. She agreed to take the month off, she wasn’t happy about it but if it would make her wife worry less, then that’s all that mattered in the end.

 

 

“Oh Regina, my love...” Emma moved up the couch so she was closer to her wife, the blonde cupped Regina’s face in her hand “You will cope. You will, we will cope, do you know why?”

 

 

Regina just shook her head, staring at Emma with such desperation in her dark brown eyes.

 

 

“Because you have me, sweetheart, you always will and that is never going to change.”

 

 

“You promise?” Regina asked, with a genuine fear that Emma may not stick around.

 

 

“Yes! I promise you.” Emma grabbed Regina’s face gently between her hands “Regina SwanMills, you are the love of my fucking life, you are my everything, I would be incredibly stupid if I left you, which by the way is never going to happen, not as long as I live. I love you too much baby. You are my world and If I lost you I think it might just kill me.” Emma sighed, feeling the tears prickling her eyes.

 

 

“I love you too Em, and I’m sorry for everything, I know I’m failing you.” Regina began to sob.

 

 

“No, no, you’re not failing me, you are just trying to work out how to control your emotions without going down a darker path and that’s okay. I will be here to help you though it no matter how long that takes.”

 

 

Emma then curled up pulling her wife into a tight hold, and giving her kisses as often as she could, she was beside herself with how happy she was, and just feeling incredibly thankful that her wife was alive and she never wanted to let her go again. “I love you Gina.”

 

 

“I love you too, Em.” Regina replied sleepily, before falling asleep in her wife’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Thank You so much for reading.
> 
> and don't forget to review


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